#I see people talking about it being a possibility and it makes me want to rip my hair out

[takes1]

Been thinking about Kyotani stealing Oikawa’s ex girlfriend after Oikawa is being an egotistical douche

are we interlinked or something? what the fffffuck i had this idea in the shower two days before this request came in? i'm trippin

accidentally falling for kyoutani (maddog)

warnings. nsfw to follow, minors DNI

details. fem!reader / angsty, smutty / jealous!oikawa / possessive!maddog / loneliness theme / pervy!maddog / light?coercion / popular x loser trope / 1.4k words / reply to be added for smutty part two.

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It was the first time you had seen Tooru since he ditched you.

Three days, compared to one year of dating, wasn't enough for you to be ready to see his pretty face, his perfect hair, to hear his laugh ringing off the buildings outside, down the corridor.

You weren't wearing any make up, you had opted for your loose uniform sweater, and chose the ugliest, comfiest shoes possible this morning when you rolled out of bed. The desire to become invisible was fiction to start and fading regardless.

He would have to see how far you had fallen, if you didn't come up with an idea right away.

The Perfect Opportunity sat to your left, by himself, as usual. He was reading a book, an arm relaxed over open spot next to him.

Kyoutani was a bomb that needed to be handled carefully -- everybody knew that. This time you had to risk it.

You slid into that spot, right under his arm, faked the most genuine giggle you possibly could, pulled his hand in yours and leaned onto his chest to 'read' with him.

Your ex's reaction would have to remain a mystery, because you didn't look away from Kyoutani, in an effort to make this look truly genuine.

When you figured he was gone, completely out of earshot, you glanced away to watch his little group disappear around the corner.

"What are you doing."

You thought you'd be prepared for whatever -inevitably- negative reaction Kyoutani threw at you. But his interrogative tone alone was enough for you to jerk your hand back into the safety of your own lap.

Then the unhinged stare, a step under something you might find on a wild hyena, sent enough adrenaline through you to scoot away.

"I'm--," You swallowed your voice crack down, heat all over the back of your neck, "It's not personal. Promise."

You weren't faultless. It was a form of bullying.

After going to enough of those games, you judged him, too. Dating Tooru had been the pinnacle of social immunity as far as your class structure went.

In fact, dating that boy made you into a worse person. But his attention? It was a drug. And you felt like an addict, coming down, burning bridges to get back to that feeling again.

This bridge though- you didn't care much about it. Kyoutani was one of those guys you didn't spare your breath on; he was weird, and alone, and everybody shared a mutual understanding to not test him. Pointing it out or making fun of him was useless. A little dangerous, too.

His fury was all over his face. You lit the fuse, and now he was tick, tick, ticking if you didn't tread lightly.

"Then get the fuck off of me."

Even though Tooru ranted plenty of times about his anger issues, his explosive habits, and frustrating team-destroying temperament, you were still not expecting him to be so mean. Lonely people were usually nice to pretty girls, at least.

You tried to explain the whole break-up in as few words as you could, but realized part of the way through that he was the first person you told, so you naturally started rambling about how sad you were. Most of your friends sided with Oikawa, so you dumped it all on this stranger in a slew of emotional rationale and stutter-y, half-correct memory. It was a natural loss of inhibition, being this profoundly sad.

He rolled his deep-set eyes with a groan that almost made you scoff. He stood up to leave you by yourself, not even wanting to share the bench at a distance. You had nobody else to sit with. Nobody to talk to.

"Sounds like the dumbest shit I've ever heard."

You clutched your uniform, spiraling, emptier than ever. It was staggering how much worse you could possibly feel, even after the shock wore off.

A desperate, thankfully quiet, tone left your mouth: "Please."

Kyoutani stood over you, bag in his clenched fist, searching. You were broken, and needy; a far cry from your bitchy, entitled snickering he caught countless times from across the gym, or class. He liked this new groveling-look on you. It fit surprisingly well. It made him feel big.

"Please help me."

He shoved a hand in his pocket, head cocked at your begging.

Prissy-Little-Miss-Oikawa, now widowed, all alone? The thought was enough to make a degenerate like him hesitate.

A grumbly, 'disinterested' question, "'nd what's in it for me?"

Just entertaining the idea had you looking up at him with those big, glossy eyes. Tears looked so good with your natural complexion.

"Anything- I'll literally do anything--," You wiped the stubborn tears from your eyes before they could fall and stood with a sniffle, "Whatever, as long as it makes him jealous."

-

The bench became your 'spot' during breaks. Being in Kyoutani's class was helpful, because you were never really separated. Tooru came around for the first few days, on his usual stroll with his giant group of friends, but started to become unreliable once he spotted who you were there for.

Today you caught the last of his double-take. It was perfect. The longing in his eyes, the slack in his jaw as he finally saw your body cuddling up to his least-favorite person in the world. You were lost in the implication for a good, quiet minute.

"Ow-!" You wrenched your hand back from a hydraulic-press-like squeeze.

It throbbed, as you rubbed it.

"He's gone." He spat.

That was true, Tooru was well and far away by now. You cleared your throat and got off of him, adjusting your uniform, as you put enough 'normal' distance between you again.

"There's no need to be so rough-," You squeezed and splayed your aching fingers a few times with a huff.

Kyoutani relaxed on the back of the bench, chin tilted up, but staring at the curve in your spine, how you sat on the edge.

He mumbled and watched you fix your hair, "What? You not into that?"

"No," You spat, arms crossed, defensive at his weird tone.

If anything, you liked when he was more reserved. Quiet. He couldn't freak you out if he didn't speak.

He caught onto your little maneuver and decided to remind you, for the third time today, that you made a pretty embarrassing deal with him. You were no longer a Queen. Just a pawn, like him.

Now, under the current conversation, you pieced together his suggestion. "You said anything, didn't ya?"

"Oh my gosh!" You were warm, caught off-guard by his dirty intentions all out in the open. You twisted to look at him, but he was just checking you out. It looked like he was proud of making you blush, too. You went to scold him, but turned to face forward and bit it back with a sigh.

"What's wrong, Princess?" He teased, "Old Tooru wasn't givin' it to ya right?"

Your hand clasped over your mouth, the other gripped the hem of your skirt. He loved when you got all quiet, like that- now he was voluntarily putting his heavy arm around your shoulders, his thumb rubbing against the outline of your bra strap.

His face was close to your own. You struggled to meet his eyes, but managed.

"You're lonely, aren't you? That's why you're like that?"

His breath stalled. Surprise took over, his expression lighter, as he looked around your face. He was kind of cute, if he could stay like that.

It, of course, fell, and he was all grumpy, dissatisfied, again.

His arms fell off of you, crossed lazily over his chest, and he leaned back onto the bench, muttering to himself like the crazy, angry, loner he was, "Fuckin'... whatever... stupid... fuckin'- prude..."

☆VIP☆

@integers @paradoxicalwritings @yuchacco

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[runninriot]

Another Love

written for the @corrodedcoffinfest pop-up event It's Complicated

wc: 1.966 | rated: M | tags: past friends with benefits Eddie/Jeff, newly established Steddie, unrequited love, complicated feelings, mild hurt/comfort, friendship | also on ao3

   “Guys, this is Steve. Steve, these are the guys. My best friends, who will not embarrass me today. Right?”

Eddie laughs, tries not to let his nerves show by making a silly grimace in the direction of Gareth, who lovingly scoffs and rolls his eyes, says ‘You don’t need us for that, you’re pretty good at embarrassing yourself‘, just to be a little shit. And maybe that’s good, because it means they’re not pretending to be something they’re not. There’s no need to mask who they are in front of Steve, Eddie knows that.

He knows that, once they’ve warmed up to each other, they’ll get along just fine. But still, he can’t shake the funny feeling in his gut.

This is a big deal for him, finally introducing his boyfriend to the people who, apart from Wayne, mean most to him in this world. He wants, no, needs them to accept this new person in his life, because there is one thing he’s absolutely certain of – Steve is here to stay.

Gareth and Doug, being the lifesavers they are, immediately start wrapping Steve up in a conversation and it helps ease Eddie’s nerves a bit. But out of the corner of his eyes, he can see the tension in Jeff’s shoulders. Can sense his resentment of the situation even if Jeff is obviously trying his best not to show it.

He stands off to the side, pretending to tune his guitar which he’s definitely not. Eddie knows he’s already done that before even coming to the venue. Out of all of them, Jeff’s always been the closest to a professional.

It’s something Eddie admires, one of those things he loves about him.

Jeff and Eddie go way back, met long before Gareth and Doug entered the picture. They’ve been friends forever, through thick and thin, always together against the rest of the world.

He’d never admit it out loud but Jeff’s opinion matters most. And that’s not only because he’s his best best friend. It’s also because he doesn’t know what he’d do if Jeff didn’t give him his blessing. There’s so much at stake here, so much to possibly end in ruins. This is so much more complicated than just wanting his friend's approval - there's more to consider. More to fight for. So that's what Eddie is willing to do.

   “Hey, man,” Eddie claps Jeff on the back trying to act casual, ignoring the twisted knots in his stomach. “Can we talk?”

   “If it’s about your boyfriend, then no.”

Jeff takes a big swig from his beer, the look in his eyes unusually cold and distant.

   “Come on, man. I thought we agreed that-”

   “Well, I’ve changed my mind. Look, Eddie. I’m happy for you, I really am. But you cannot expect me to put on a brave face and pretend that this doesn’t fuck me up.”

His words slice through Eddie like a knife, sharp and quick, no mercy on his heart.

Eddie probably deserves it for thinking he could ignore the giant ass elephant in the room and simply wait it out. Wait for the problem to solve itself, for everything to go back to normal, back to easy. Because truth is, there is nothing easy about this.

Eddie knew from the start that this would be complicated, no matter how much he wished it wasn’t. He knew and yet, stupid as he is, he still hoped they could just... move on. Not forget but maybe lock up the memories of a different time and go back to how things were before. When they were just friends, no feelings involved. At least not those kind of feelings.

   “I’m sorry, Jeff,” he says, head tilted down to avoid his friend’s piercing gaze, “I know it’s-“

It’s what? Hard? Unfair? Well, yeah, obviously. At least from Jeff’s point of view. But what is Eddie supposed to do? He didn’t choose to fall in love with someone else, it just happened. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t still have feelings for Jeff, only they’re different now. Not that he ever-

It’s a cruel thought, even though it’s true. They both know it because Eddie never pretended to be in love when he wasn’t. Was he attracted to Jeff? Oh, absolutely. Otherwise they wouldn’t have ended up in bed together. More than once. And it wasn't just the prospect of easy sex that had Eddie coming back for more - it was the thought of falling asleep in Jeff's arms. To be held by someone who makes you feel safe and cared for. He loved the kisses and giggles and how okay it was to be vulnerable and open because there's nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to hide because Jeff already knows everything about him.

The problem is, while it had all started out as casual fun between mates, something changed over time. Something Eddie noticed too late or he would’ve ended it sooner. Jeff never told him about his feelings, so that’s on him, but it is just as much Eddie’s fault because- he should’ve known anyway. Should’ve noticed the shift. But he hadn’t. Or maybe he simply refused to acknowledge it. Selfishly ignored it until he couldn’t anymore.

When he met Steve, he instantly knew he needed to put his cards on the table and come clean about what this would mean for him and Jeff. Told him about this guy he likes – ‘Don’t know if it’s mutual but I’d like to give it a shot, see where it’s going. Maybe it’s nothing but maybe- I think he could be the one.’

And at first, Jeff seemed to be fine with that. Said he understood that they couldn’t hook up anymore. Said he’d miss the fucking but ‘Eh, whatever.’

Only it wasn’t whatever.

But Eddie was so lost in his own head, so caught up on Steve, Steve, Steve that he didn’t see what it was doing to Jeff. Didn’t notice him pulling away more and more until Gareth mentioned it. Asked if something had happened between the two because they were acting weird.

So, when he finally confronted Jeff, things seemed... okay. Better. At least that’s what he thought when Jeff told him he’d get over it, that he just needed some time to adjust. Promised Eddie that nothing had changed when it came to their friendship but right now, Eddie isn’t so sure about that anymore.

And it kills him.

Makes him lie awake at night because he can’t stop thinking about all the worst possible outcomes. What if this breaks up the band? What if Eddie loses his best friend?

   “I don’t want to lose you, Jeff.”

    You’re up in five, someone calls from the side of the stage and Eddie knows this is the worst possible timing for a heart-to-heart. They should be getting ready, he should be talking to his boyfriend who he abandoned and left with people he doesn’t really know, in a place he’s never been to before. But he can’t step away, can’t leave it like that, not when Jeff still hasn’t said anything.

   “I need you. You’re my best friend and I- I love you.”

It’s a stupid thing to say, to use this word, this feeling that is the cause for this mess and the reason for Jeff’s pain. But it’s the right word nonetheless, because it’s the truth. Eddie loves him. Maybe not like he loves Steve but different from the way he loves Gareth and Doug. This love goes deeper than friendship, soul-deep.

   “I love you. You’re important to me and I know- I know you're hurt and I am sorry but I can’t change that my heart belongs to Steve.”

Eddie can’t stop, knows he should because right now, he’s only talking himself deeper into the hole he dug for himself. But he refuses to lie, refuses to try to appease Jeff with false hope – he needs to know where they stand. And if that means Jeff will tell him to fuck off, if that will be the end of their friendship, then-

   “I hate you.”

Eddie’s heart stops at Jeff's words, eyes filling with tears as he braces himself for the biggest regret he'll ever have in his life.

   “I hate you so much for even thinking you could ever lose me!”

They’ve got eyes on them now, Eddie can feel it, but he doesn’t care. Can’t, not when Jeff moves closer, taking one of Eddie’s hands to place it on his chest, right above his heart.

   “It hurts. It fucking hurts. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be friends anymore.”

Eddie doesn’t know what to say, just sniffs and blinks away the tears blurring his vision.

   “It’ll take some time for me to... get over this. But you and me, we’re bound for life, man. So don’t you ever think you’re getting rid of me. You hear me, asshole?”

Jeff smiles at him and even though there’s still sadness in his eyes, Eddie can feel that he means it.

   “Uh... sorry to interrupt but, um, they said you’re up next so I-“

When Eddie turns to the voice coming from behind, he finds Steve standing there, hands in his pocket, nervously looking to the side.

   “I’ll be down there somewhere. Have- have fun.”

Steve’s about to turn around, ready to step away but Eddie can't let him go like that, so he stops him.

   “Baby, wait!”

He looks back at Jeff, hoping, praying to find what he’s searching for in the other man’s eyes.

   “Go on, your boyfriend looks like he’s waiting for a kiss. Would be rude to leave him hanging.”

   “Are you gonna be mad at me if I do?” Eddie’s not asking for permission to kiss his boyfriend, not really. But he’s willing to tone it down around Jeff if that’s what it takes.

Jeff scoffs, lets go of Eddie’s hand and takes a step back.

   “So mad. But I’ll get to have you all to myself for the next 40 minutes so I guess it’s fine,” he jokes and it feels like a peace offering. Like maybe it’s the first step to better, before hopefully they can go back to how things were when everything was good, not complicated.

   “I love you,” Eddie says again just because.

   “Love you too, man. Now go take care of your man and then let’s get this fucking show started.”

Eddie nods, taking another moment to look at his best friend before walking over to Steve.

   “Everything good with you and Jeff?” Steve asks quietly as Eddie wraps his arms around his middle to pull him close.

   “I think it will be, yeah.”

Eddie's glad he never made a secret out of his past with Jeff, couldn’t bear withholding something so crucial from Steve. He needed him to know that no matter what, Jeff will always play an important role in his life. That if Steve wanted to be with him, he’d have to accept that there will always be a place in his heart that’s occupied by someone else.

Steve throws a look over Eddie’s shoulder and smiles to himself before leaning in to give him a chaste kiss on the cheek.

   “Is that all?” Eddie asks when his boyfriend pulls away, leaving him longing for more.

   “For now,” Steve confirms with a wink, “Your friends are waiting.”

With that, he wanders off into the crowd and Eddie, for the first time in weeks, feels a weight lift off his shoulders and heart.

Maybe it doesn’t have to be complicated.

Maybe it just needs time and trust and mutual understanding.

He’s willing to try, willing to do everything to make this work

Because what he’s definitely not willing to do, is to give up one love for another.

[shatcey]

Victor theories. Contradictions and links

This is probably the last part of my theories about Vivi before his route came out. Most likely, they have nothing to do with reality, which we will see pretty soon. I will kill someone if Cybird release someone from Vogel first. Do you hear that, Cybird? I'll buy tamagotchi and kill it!!!!! You don't want that, do you? Poor defenseless little creature…

When I read other theories and events about Vivi, I had some thoughts, but I haven't finished them, haven't put them together, and… I think it's finally time to do it properly.

I should probably add warnings. I'm mentioning the details of Alfons and Harrison's routes. And also provide fragments of events that had not yet been in the EN game (only in JP). And… a bit about Azel's route (but I'm warning you about this, and you can easily skip to the next part without reading).

There were many events with Vivi. I made a list when started preparing for this post… Not all of them contain anything that I can use within the described boundaries, but they all provide few or many hints. So… it took some time to check. I hope I didn't miss anything.

If so… remind me, and I'll make one more "last post"… it becomes an endless story.

His personality

@maladaptivedaydreamsx assumed that Victor isn't his real name, but was given to him because of Queen. I thought about that as well. As I mentioned here, Victor thinks of himself in quotation marks, as if it's not his real name, but a role he's playing. And that actually sounds pretty fitting. On the surface, he's a cheerful and positive, with a sweet, mama-type vibe. But when we read the stories from his perspective, he feels completely different. Very dark and even scary. His thoughts show how much he notices and thinks before making any decisions, how much of a calculating bastard he really is (lovingly). But is his cheerful side a role he's playing? Or is it just part of his personality? From the Bond story "The Other Side"

and kiss event...

Victor insists that this is just a part of him. And I'm inclined to believe.

There is a theory that Victor is actually immortal. @.reccyls mentioned this here last time. And this theory is possible. Not only because Victor is so determined to treat all the members of Crown and Kate like children. But also because of this Willy's remark from the 1st Victor's birthday

There are two possibilities that Willy could be hinting at.

The first… Vivi is a god. The God of death.

But… this may have a different meaning. Vivi is very closed to God or any other immortal being. Vivi often talks about death as a living creature. Perhaps the fact that he is a "constant companion of death" makes him a kind of expert in this matter.

And that's why I tend to think that the second option is closer to the truth. It's from the very beginning of the same 1st birthday.

Yes, Harry often says that Victor lies a lot, but I don't think that applies to this situation. The wording is very strange. He doesn't seem happy about this fact. Like… "I wish I had more time". Maybe it's just me.

Oh, I forgot about another option. Vivi could have been a god, but now he's a human. This explains why he's so annoyed by the fact that he needs to sleep. Hmmm��� I like that option.

If assumed he's a very old and powerful being… who, despite this, has not lost interest in life as such and can still find joy in it (reminds of someone, right?). How did the Queen manage to get him as her aid? A contract? We have another Black butler?

And if everyone thinks of him as a very strong person, then no one will ever assume that he needs anything. No one ever considers him human. This thought crossed my mind when I talked about the Mirror event, but I decided not to voice it. But… what the hell… this is the last post, where else should I talk about it?

It was the same with Azel (if you haven't read his route and don't want spoilers, skip right to the next point). People didn't see him as a human being, they only asked for help, advice, and so on… In their eyes, he was only giving, after all, he is God. But… this is a rather selfish way of thinking. Even if a person seems completely independent and strong, and… perfect… this doesn't mean that he has nothing to wish. I can easily imagine Vivi in this concept. And that explains why he was so surprised when Kate said she liked helping him or taking care of him. This has never happened before.

But he doesn't have to be an immortal being for people to consider him inhuman. He succeeds in everything he does, and people may think that he doesn't need anyone's help.

His contradictions

Kate described him very accurately at a Drunk event, translated by @.reccyls.

I would also add that he takes care of the garden and himself (see how his hair is… it's a lot of work, you know) and it looks like he's sleeping normally. My baby Ally has dark circles under her eyes due to lack of sleep. But Vivi… there is no such thing. So… Yes, he really seems like the perfect person.

But behind every great accomplishment is a lot of hard work. We don't know what it is… he just has a habit of using every second of his life to the fullest, or… a kind of magic. But he really does a lot, and… I can understand why he wants to… relax sometimes. He can't admit it for some reason (pride or some restrictions) but he wants to anyway. And at the same Drunken event, he tricked Kate into putting his head in her lap and hugging her. As if he needed a reason for that. It feels like he's constantly preventing himself from doing what he wants to do. At the very end of Butler's event ("Your Hand, My Lady" translated by @.reccyls) Willy hints at this...

He's happy because Victor is FINALLY doing what he wants to do.

I got the impression that curse of the boys is a sick joke of fate. It is contrary to their true nature. Like a absolutely honest and straightforward Harrison have to lie because his curse forces him to do so. Or Ally, who wanted only one thing in life... to be remembered, and the curse did not allow him to got this. So I see the same contradiction in Victor's behavior… is his curse. He is literally obsessed with the idea of freedom. And the way he lives makes it seem like he's not free at all. And his desire to get something for himself sometimes is like getting some fresh air before he finds himself back in the dusty tunnels… He literally doesn't do ANYTHING for himself, he doesn't even ask others for anything. This is from the 2nd Cristmas event, translated by @.reccyls.

And this is from bond's story "About Freedom"

Despite the fact, he joked afterwards that he is as free as the wind. In this phrase, he said "I", not "you" or "people" in general. I'm sorry, Vivi, but I don't believe you're free. In fact, you've probably never been. That's why you dream about it. And it's a little sad.

Connections with the Queen

The bond between Vivi and the Queen is very strong and mysterious. He is absolutely devoted to her and literally does everything she says. But how long has he been doing this? Why does he feel like he belongs to her? As he told William at the very end of Butler event ("Your Hand, My Lady" translated by @.reccyls.

The first thing that comes to mind is the Black Butler. Sebas demonstrates absolute dedication without asking questions. And he is a demon who is devoted to man. Actually Vivi said at the first Christmas event (Wreck the halls) that he had made a deal with death…

Perhaps it has something to do with the Queen. I'm not saying that the Queen is the Death (we never know for sure), but the way he's devoted to her, and the way he convinced that the connection with death is not so easy to break, seems somehow similar. Indestructible.

@.velisle has posted a really huge post with facts and theories about Vivi… I added my thoughts here. There was a theory… That's the kid Victor talked about at the Secrets event…

...In fact, he is.

But there are two things that prevent me from thinking that way. The first… he doesn't know if the Queen could make them smiles. If he was that kid, he would know that.

And the second. If we assume that he is not a vampire or another magical creature that lives exceptionally long (or endless), then it is quite difficult to imagine. The calculation is simple. The game takes place around 1890. And the queen begins to rule in 1837. More than 50 years have passed since. And Victor looks like he's 40 at the most. So… He's NOT that kid, but… it could have been his parent or… an older sibling. Or… even someone related to Kate. I wouldn't be surprised if the developers link them so tightly.

@rou-luxe assumed that Victor made a promise to the Queen many years ago and continue fulfill it. It seems very correct, but at the same time not quite. No matter how much you like sticking to your promise, at some point you will feel tired or pressured to keep it. But here… he does it willingly, even with joy. So my idea… he is very grateful to the Queen. As if she had saved his life or given him a new life that he wouldn't have been able to get otherwise. This brings me back to my previous thought. That the Queen is not really human. But she is… at least the real Queen Victoria, who lived and died (which makes her a normal person). If it's just gratitude, then what exactly did she do for him to get him for a lifetime? This is… THE question!

Connections with Crown boys

We know that Vivi and Willy immediately clicked on the common desire to free people. The way we were shown Vivi's cursed ability (as I mentioned in a previous theory post) is somewhat similar to Willy's. I'll just add this part from the 1st birthday story.

We will not talk about that this is technically impossible to strangle yourself. Don't try to prove me wrong, check on Google.

The fact remains… Vivi orders the man to die or Death to take him away. But for some reason, his victim feels happy to follow this order.

It doesn't matter how, but the cursed ability of both of them (Victor and William) deprive a person of freedom. So… no wonder they understand each other so well, they literally went through the same struggles.

I don't think Vivi is particularly kind to Harry just because of his reaction (which is always so good). But also because he feels a little guilty about the death of Harry's father. He did not predict, did not find out, did not fix the problem in time. Yes, Vivi claims that he is not a kind, but rather an evil person, but he is a good teammate, he respects and helps all his partners. And he and Marco had a good team… From a distance, completely ignoring each other… but in the end, they really help each other a lot. So Vivi may feel guilty for missing something.

I didn't notice any special treatment for anyone else at the Crown. Well… Kate is an exception. But I would like to talk about her separately.

Connections with Kate

First the facts. Victor dragged Kate to the Crown because he thought it would help the boys. From his 1st birthday.

He said (will say) the same thing in the 1st anniversary (my summary). He thought she would change something. What does he think needs to be changed? He used a rather interesting phrase in 1st birthday...

Usually, when he said something like that, it's "succumb to your wickedness". Vivi often say that when he sends the boys to work. Did he assume that Kate would help them become better at their work? Is it related to work at all? Maybe about their course? Maybe it's about understanding themselves better? Or… about something completely different? But I tend to think he was looking for a way to combine them together.

They're all pretty strong and independent, they don't have much in common, they literally split into several groups, and he wanted to find a reason to unite them into one team. It's a very noble cause. He would probably reject such an idea as not fitting his wicked nature. Why do my favorite boys try to argue with me when I say good things about them? They're so weird.

But there's something he doesn't want her to know. Again from the 1st birthday...

It feels like he's afraid. It feels like he's been through something and doesn't want to make the same mistake again. Or he's constantly fighting… probably with his own curse… which forces him to do something to her (remember that his curse contradicts his essence). Vivi says something about it at the 1st Christmas event. This darkness demands that he stains her and whisks her away (I wrote about it here).

But his expectations of Kate really came true. She really brought change. And she even changed him. This is from his 2nd birthday story translated by @.reccyls.

It already looks like we're in the middle of his route. He feels that he is becoming less like an observer, he feels that he wants more for himself.

And now my assumptions, which, in fact, are based on nothing at all

The only thing we can be sure about is a kiss on the forehead. It was mentioned twice (I talked about it at the kiss event). The fact that Kate mentioned it twice means that developers are most likely to use it on one of the main routes. It could be Darius or someone we don't know about yet, but I think… that it's Victor. And it's not just his reaction to that kiss that makes me think so. But the DARK IF event.

I know it's an alternate world, but… the essence of the characters is the same, and it's quite interesting to imagine his main route through the prism of this event. Vivi's story hasn't been released yet, but in the second part of the event, there was a story for 95k points, and it's gorgeous. Translated by @.reccyls.

And this part is from a letter from this event. Not quite, but let's put it this way. Translated by @.reccyls.

The one and only. The soulmates. Actually, this theme is very strong at this event, and maybe I shouldn't even focus on it. But… for some reason, this concept seems very fitting for Vivi. The Vivi we know from Victorian London. And I really like to see this theme on at least one route in this game. Why not on Victor's, right?

So… my theory… Victor and Kate met when Kate was still a child. We haven't determined whether Victor is human or not, so I won't talk about him, but Kate was a child and witnessed something very bad. Something that could easily break the psyche for life. Victor solved the problem and kissed her on the forehead… and that's literally the only thing she remembers. It was probably just a short meeting, but for some reason they both remembered it. And now… after all these years, they meet again because they are destined to be together… I got goosebumps.

I think we should expect a second Tamamo route. With the "I want to be your friend so you won't be alone". They will work together, but this time she will help him with his work, and someone from his past will appear. Don't tell me he was a king as well… Thatever. And… so the hot scene will only be after the last avatar challenge (or even only in the epilogues).

Dark times are ahead... Patience to all of us.

@ethereal-blossom, Michelle, dear, I haven't found how to use your theories… my brain is burning up a bit after two days of thinking. But I'd like you to look at it. Maybe you could point out my mistakes or would like to add something. You know I'm always happy to read your thoughts.

The design of the spikelet on the dividers I took from Designed by Freepik

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🔝 𝕊𝕋𝔸ℝ𝕋 ℙ𝔸𝔾𝔼 🔝

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[urautismdiagnosis]

Dashi Design (and her lore for my au)

DASHIIIIIII she has my life eeee

Dashi is my go getter queen, also the headshot of her is her correct hair texture its just that the total body art is a bit older but yeh :>

Dashi lore for my au under the cut

ONTO THE LORE FOR DASHI IN MY AU 🎉🎉🎉

First of all, let's take a little look at her interests- surfing, photography, going out to cave dive for those photos-

And she does all of this stuff, that alot of people might only do as hobbies, to the max!

Whenever she has any interest she always goes as high as she possibly can-

Her family is kinda rich, like "we have rich person hobbies and have expensive vacations every year 💅" kind of rich. Hence why she was able to get so much support for all her interests at a young age, whether it be surfing or photography competitions and so on.

Anyways she's also got an older brother, (I've named him Dan btw) and he's the eldest

See the thing about him and dashi is that they used to be super close as kids yk? He was the oldest sibgling and big brother and both he and dashi were both similar in alot of ways! They were both super competitive and determined to reach their goals, he also was the one who got her into surfing and taught her a ton of stuff!

They were close kinda like how dashi and koshi are...

The thing is though a big part of his identity was being the golden child and amazing big brother and perfect high achiever son, so when dashi started getting older and developing her like.. whole seperate interests and identity that her brother...

Well they started clashing alot, because well she couldn't play the "little sister" that he could teach so everyone could admire how amazing he was, instead she was having her own achievements that he couldn't have any credit in.

He was the kind of older brother who... well choose to be kinda patronizing to make themselves more masculine and popular... and at a certain point it went from "aw big brother helping teach his lil sister!" To " ur actually talking down on me and I hate that, and whenever i try to bring it up you act like I'm a 5 year old when I'm not. Also I dont need ur bad advice on this, I know what I'm doing and ur just acting like a pro in something u don't know anything about"

Alot of his identity and self worth comes from bragging about *his* achievements

The undermining of her own achievements didn't even just come from him either, alot of her passions and skills were just seen as hobbies for fun and not real jobs. Its why she ended up as primarily a computer specialist, she worked as a meteorologist actually! She would use those advanced machines and systems to track and decipher weather, and even was a co-pilot for the weather researchers... but her parents just kinda saw it as her just "being a weather girl"

Her parents are genuinely very kind and caring, nuturing her interests and always trying to be there for her emotional needs but, but they're very out of touch. The type of people to just... not understand why saying a certain phrase *actually is kinda specist* or *why photography actually matters to helping climate change* or *hey actually you can't just try to feed wild animals food even if they act cute cuz it'll hurt them and no it actually IS really bad for a variety of reasons and-*

That sorta thing...

They do genuinely love and try to support her tho, they just... wanted her to get a real job so she could have a good life :/ they're genuie ly nice folks who love to help people out tho

Regardless though,dashi still wanted to fulfill her passions and dreams and needs,and then she learned about the octonauts

at the time thr octonauts were a VERY experimental and risky organization, but she did research and genuinely believed and wanted to be part of what could possibly be a revolutionary organization for rescue, research, exploration, and conservation-

So she applied in secret.

The thing is though, Dan had found out. Their relationship at the time was strained at best but they were still siblings. But then he snitched.

her parents. Freaked. Out

To say they were concerned about their daughter going out to just- possibly- "die in the middle of the ocean!" Or "be stuck and trapped with strangers in the middle of the ocean!" Or "struggle to ever settle down because you're in the middle of the ocean!" Or "get stranded on an island in the middle of the ocean!" Or "get eaten by a whale and cry because u weren't ever able to get back with ur ex u sarcastically said ud get back with because we kept talking about how amazing he was and how we thought ud get married and how sad that made us and then you'd die in a whale in the middle of the ocean!" Or whatever 🙄

Like girl did get swallowed by a whale but it was chill yall need to calm down 💅 like so what if siphonphores tried to eat her once or if the octopods crashed or nearly crashed several times? Like she handled it yall need to have some faith in ur daughter smh

Anyways needless to say they made the process SO HARD esp since Dan STOLE HER LAPTOP WITH HER FILES because he was "woRriEd foR hIs baby SiStEr trYiNg tO ruuN AwAy🥺🥺🥺" She is a grown woman btw and a highly renowned professional in her career.

anyways she managed to join thr octonauts anyways and her parents did chill at least half a year later once they realized she wasn't gonna die in the ocean and that she was fine not "settling down" for a while, they still DONT understand it but like they were just worried their daughter was going crazy and running away (THANKS FOR ADDING A BUNCH OF DRAMATIC LIES TO CHANGE THE STORY DAN)

Anyways she and Dan don't talk anymore, if u ask either of them about it "they just drifted apart", koshi doesn't really know what all the drama that happened was tbh :/ she just remembered them fighting over a laptop and figures they never really got along 😐👍

Anyways dashi makes it a point to never make koshi feel the way dan made her feel

Also dan ended up becoming a lawyer for businesses if u were interested :/

Dashis parents sound pretty bad here and they def aren't perfect, but they're usually just uninformed and they genuinely do have a "we should help everyone in our community ^v^ " mindset and taught dashi alot about self confidence and etc

If u made it this far then congrats!

Btw she didn't start out as a scientist when she joined the octonauts,its actually something that she added to her skillsets and shellington supported her thru it

I'll have to make a dashington post soon lol and also tall about her relationships with the rest of the octonauts crew

She and peso were the last two octonauts to join

[oddballwriter]

Slut Him Out

Summary: You and Steven partake in some kinky activities, with you edging him and making him degrade himself knowing that he gets off on it. But it turns out that Steven is wanting to play in some more action by being a brat.

Warnings: SMUT. BDSM and kinks involved such as dom/sub dynamic, brat play, brat discipline, bondage, hair pulling, degradation, name calling, edging, rough handling/manhandling, use of sex toys including a vibrator, cock ring, and gag (mentioned). Dom!reader and sub!brat!Steven. back on my bottom and kinky sub Steven propaganda again. There's also the implication that the reader and Jake also engage in dom/sub dynamics too.

Author’s Snip: I wanted to write for my proposal and idea that Steven should be allowed to be into more hard and degrading stuff with the idea of him being into some kinky stuff. Just because I've personally yet to see it and I feel like Jake and Marc shouldn't be the only ones who get to be a part of that. All this to say I want more bratty Steven. Let him be a brat.

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

Word Count: 678

Taglist: @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @sergeant102105 @ingoldthewizard

Honestly, despite the stereotype that nerds are all secretly the kinkiest people on the planet, when people looked at Steven Grant, no one could fathom the idea that he could partake in anything remotely kinky. He was socially awkward, timid, and if it weren't for the fact that you found all that charming about him and asked him out, and thus began dating, some would say he possibly had no game. Quite possibly even freeze up as soon as anything remotely sexual started happening around him.

But what they don't know is that Steven really is that stereotype but in a whole other way.

"Say it," you command him.

"I'm a...~" he breathes out, but he trails off.

"Come on. Don't tell me you can't string some words together. We haven't been going for that long," you tease him.

"I'm a desperate slut!~" he moans out.

You and Steven were sitting on the bed, you simply sat on the bed, fully clothed, pulling Steven's back against your chest. Of which, Steven was completely naked and sat on his knees with his hands bound behind his back. The hand that you weren't using to keep Steven flushed against you was reaching in front of him, jerking him off.

"There we go. That wasn't so hard. Was it?" you purr in his ear, but Steven only whimpers back.

You keep going for a while till Steven goes from whimpering to moaning, getting closer to coming with each stroke, but when he's almost there you stop dead in the middle of the action making him cry out and try thrusting his hips to get more. But you're quick to stop him by taking the hand you're using to hold him from his chest to his curls and tugging on them, making him moan embarrassingly loud.

"Ah-ah," you tut, "You know better than that," you scold him.

"Please. I need to come," Steven begs. "You said if I was good I could come," he says.

"And you said that I could make you come any way I wanted. But here you are being a brat and trying to get your way," you tell him.

"I'm not a brat!" he protests.

"You're sure acting like one." you taunt him.

"And you're being unfair," he bites back, "I want to come now." he whines, adding "You let Jake come when he wants, whenever you do this with him.".

You grab his chin and turn him to face you. "Maybe because Jake does as he's told and doesn't talk back," you tell Steven. "But if you keep talking back like that and you're getting the ring and vibe treatment and I'll leave you like that till you wanna behave," you warn him.

"No," Steven begs, "I got that last time, that's not fair," he whines.

"What's the word?" you ask. That's your version of asking for the safe word.

"Gatsby" he says. Go. You nod in response before continuing.

"I'll warn you one last time. You either stop being a brat or I'm getting the stuff," you order him.

"You're no fun," he grumbles.

"Now you're getting the gag too," you say as you push him forward onto the bed, the mattress of course breaking his fall onto his front. "It'll save us the noise complaint of you moaning like a whore." you add as you get up to retrieve the toys from their storage in a lower drawer across the room.

You're still able to see the bed in the corner of your vision as you stifle through all the things in the drawer. You can see Steven squirming and occasionally trying to fight against the rope binding his wrists, and whimpering and breathing heavily. But you know that they aren't noises of distress. As a matter of fact, you get the idea that he's trying to get off on his own to continue testing you.

You grab everything and walk back to the bed, "Last warning, Steven. You either stop and be good or I'll make you behave," you say.

"Make me then."

[iscdisc]

You and your gorgeous TMNT art make me ship everything you ship. You could tell me to ship the most outrageous thing, draw it, and I would ship it. Like the most grotesque thing. I would love it. You are brilliant. May I ask for the fics you are reading and/or you have read?

Well I hope I wouldn't ship anything grotesque or that you feel would be grotesque- 💀😭 Lmao

But I get what you mean and that's incredibly flattering ! I hope everybody that engages with my content knows that I'm not trying to necessarily convince anybody to enjoy the pairings that I enjoy, but if you happen to click with my perspective whether it's from my art or from me talking about them, that's really cool to me !! ☺️✨

And sure ! I'll list some that I'm currently reading or have read recently that I really enjoyed ! I'll even include some that I plan to or started but haven't gotten very far yet- :

• "And It All Starts Again" (by Non_Parsimonious | Currently reading-)

I'm starting with this one because it is absolutely peak- Are you serious?? I'm telling you right now, this should have been Season 5 instead OR if the 2012 series had ever gotten the opportunity to have a film adaptation and it actually be well done narratively, this should have been that movie- I'm TELLING YOU, this story is absolutely phenomenal and I'm already in the process of making art for it to promote it ! 🫶 || I'm not going to spoil too much because I really want people to read it for themselves, but there's so much stress and angst that kind of pushes the narrative for that I'm just eating up because I enjoy those kinds of stories ! But if that's not your cup of tea, then feel free to skip this one-! 👍✨

• "Thoughts About A Boy" (by @jaywritezshitz | Currently reading-)

Maybe I talked about this one enough already, but I'd love to talk about it some more because it's a really great 2012 Jonatello story and I think it's incredibly well written !! I love the premise, I love the character interactions (Especially with April and Donnie, which says a lot in regards to myself because that's usually something I don't particularly enjoy because of canon / not fanon- /,, 😭), I love the build up and the constant anticipation that I feel waiting for confessions or for Donnie's letters to be weaved back into the narrative in the least expected way possible (Not to give too much away, because I really encourage you guys to read it for yourselves-), like !! There's just so much to enjoy with this one, and I really encourage people to read it cause I personally think it's really phenomenal !

• "Oh, Where'd All The Time Go?" (by @tae-rhymeswithslay | I plan on reading this one-)

My memory is kind of foggy with this one, because I swear I started reading the first couple of chapters but when I went back to confirm that I have read the story before it didn't feel familiar-?? So maybe I meant to read it and I thought I'd started it but I hadn't yet? 😭

But you're going to see a couple of Tae_rhymeswithslay entries on here, because I do enjoy their stories ! 👍✨

• "Purple Hokey" (by Ani_Wagner_7w7 | Have already read-)

The setup for this particular 2012 Jonatello fanfiction feels very authentic to the show, in the sense that this is a situation I can absolutely see the writers putting them in (Not that they were the biggest Jonatello enthusiast, but you get my point-), you know? LMAO / It sort of felt like a cliche trope but done well ! It does ramp up a little maturity wise towards the end, just to give a heads up for that-! But otherwise it's just a cute story in my opinion ! ✨

• "Of the Same Cloth, the Same Coin" by Kazegami | Currently reading-)

Another incredibly peak story- Are you kidding?? I genuinely get so happy every time the story gets updated because it's one of my favorites ! The premise is that Casey asked Donnie for help with his school tutoring since April's going on a trip with her father for a few weeks, so of course they build a better relationship through constantly being around each other due to this tutoring situation ! Another kind of trope-like premise, but how the author tackles it is my favorite thing ever- I also really enjoy how April is written in the story as well and the sort of subplot that's going on with her ! I swear these writers do such an incredible job with her character and it makes me both happy and upset at the same time because why couldn't she have been like this in the show? I don't know- 💀 Lmao / But another story that I highly recommend !!

• "Technicolor" (by SecurityTape | Have read already-)

This is one that I genuinely was not expecting to read, since I'm not the biggest fan of crossover pairings (Not that they're necessarily bad, they just don't always interest me in the way I feel the interest of the people-!), but this one was really charming !! I really enjoyed the writing of both Rise! Donnie and 2012 Casey in the work of fiction ! It really reminded me of how much I missed the energy of Rise! and that I need to rewatch that version more because it genuinely is very funny- 😭✨

• "A Kiss As A Prize" (by Mili_8a | Have read already-)

This is one of the few 2012 Raphril fanfictions I've read / found on AO3 that I really enjoyed ! It's pretty short, but the premise was really cute and there's such a shortage of Raphril content in my eyes, so anything that I find I'm pretty much going to eat it up immediately- LMAO ❤️💛

• "Northampton Echoes" (by Gladrial | Currently reading-)

I barely started a chapter of this last night, and I already love the writing so far ! It takes place at The O'Neil Farmhouse (So far at least-), which I find particularly enjoyable because a lot of my Raphril centric thoughts in regards to building their dynamic / better establishing a connection between them starts in The Farmhouse in my head (I actually have this whole comic that I was trying to make talking about how I felt certain things during The Farmhouse Arc should have played out differently in my opinion and it mostly focuses around April and Raph- Maybe I'll bring that up at some point on here !), so I'm already pretty enthralled in this story set up so far ! I don't have much to say about it besides that though, because like I said I haven't gotten too far into the store yet-! But there's 19 chapters so far, and I already know that that's probably not going to be enough for me- LMAO

• "The Day The World Broke" (by @saladmix | Started reading this one-)

I feel like an asshole, because I started reading this one like months ago and I just never picked it up again and I don't know why- I think I might have gotten distracted with other things going on? I genuinely don't remember- But seeing people talk about it on here (Tumblr) reminded me that I need to go back and read that because the story is incredible ! I genuinely loved the first couple of chapters that I read ! I love the dynamic that they were setting up between the Mutant Mayhem Brothers in the beginning of the story, especially since I feel like (at the time anyway-) the MM / TOTTMNT brothers weren't getting a lot of love or attention from people?? I didn't get into the more plot focused chapters yet, but I believe I was close ! So hopefully I'll go back and read that soon I'll have more to talk about ! 👍✨ (Sorry for the abrupt tag by the way, Saladmix ! I hope that was okay-!)

• "My Best Enemy Is You" (by Aethernight | Have already read-)

I didn't think I was going to like this story as much as I did, because I'm not super into vampire stories, but this story was really good !! I never knew how much I needed Vampiric 2012 Jonatello (But in the context of the story, Donnie's the vampire, where Casey's a vampire hunter-) set in like the 1800s (??) before now, it's wild- 🦇💜🖤

• "Something Dumb To Do" (by Aleaf737 | Have read already-)

This is another really short and sweet one for 2012 Jonatello ! It's about a marriage proposal and it honestly was really wholesome ! ✨

• "One Nice Moment" (by @tae-rhymeswithslay | Have read already-)

Another kind of short one but it was really cute ! 💜🖤

• "Make Me A Promise Here Tonight (Love Like A Tidal Wave" (by Imthebest_ever | Have read already-)

This one spoke to me immediately because it involves a sort of aftermath to the episode, "The Power Inside Her" ! I really liked the narrative here ! ✨

• "Ink On Paper" (by @tae-rhymeswithslay | Have read already-)

This is another short story, but it felt so in character for Donnie towards the end it's so upsetting- LMAO

• "Arnold Bernid "Casey" Jones" (by @tae-rhymeswithslay | Have read already-)

I feel bad for saying the same things about a lot of Tae's works, but they really are just short and sweet most of the time and I enjoy reading them a lot !! This one in particular had a lot of humorous moments as well- 😭👍✨

Hopefully those are enough ! There are probably some that I'm forgetting at this point, but oh well,, 😭 Lmao

[chanrizard]

I'm kinda grateful for div1 because they're a good scapegoat whenever one is needed. They protect the artists in a sense because like, if Jisung actually wasn't comfortable showing his tattoos, he can say it's div1 and then fan feelings won't be hurt! Other examples, dating ban, everyone knows idols do secretly date and such, and officially people say "the dating ban is gross! It's to sell creepy fans the idea of their idol being available!" But also the dating ban is a protective shield because if creepy fans come up to idols they can say sorry I don't date I'm not allowed. While secretly they do date but officially no. Other example, jyp artists can say "sorry we're not allowed to say anything political" and it's bc div1 is censoring them and then they don't get hate from either side, because normally people would say "silence is taking the side of the oppressors!" Etc but they can't bc it's not the artists it's div1. And the artists don't choose who to collab with, it's management! Stuff like this means idols don't get hated on for random stuff which I support. I think asking Hanji to show his body in the first place is invasive, puts him in an awkward spot and it's good that he has div1 to fall back on. It could also be that they're really the ones stopping him but in the case that it wasn't I'm grateful things were resolved this way

see but the thing is, he's not uncomfortable showing off his tattoos, he's not uncomfortable talking about them, he's never been uncomfortable showing his body either before when it's something he's worked hard on and he's proud of.

he said on a live their staff didn't want him to tell us he'd gotten tattooed, he told us he is not allowed to show them, he did it anyway and it was just a glimpse mind you, and the first thing he said after the fanmeeting was that he was promptly scolded for it.

why can't people take what he says -what all the members say really- at face value, what on earth could he possibly gain from lying about this, when all the kids have always been pretty straightforward all things considered and the profession they're in about what they can and cannot do, and when saying or doing something out of line gets them scolded, and when they know damn well how vicious their fans can be.

I believe changbin when he says the staff wasn't happy with him bulking up and eating healthy and told him to cut it out and he said fuck this. I believe seungmin and changbin when they say the staff doesn't want them to mention they drink sometimes, when other idols in their same company have never had this problem (see: nmixx's members getting drunk and no one batting an eye. so what's different? same company different management)

and about the political thing, again lily lives anyone?

Also what does the dating ban have to do with this they haven't mentioned that in years if ever?

As for the collabs i honestly think it's 50/50, i was talking about this with tay this morning and it's actually plausibile they got into That project with the best intentions and were super hyped and then they realized a couple of things, reevaluated some others, and decided that maybe it was a mistake. They've never mentioned that song again outside of the mandatory promo period and it was always in a very luckluster way.

And tbf nobody asked han to show his body, he brought it up on his own.

But the point of this whole thing, and i think we're missing it here, is it's his (their) choice to do so that's being taken away and for what.

They're being restricted on what they eat to the point they're starving for a photoshoot for fuck's sake, they've been telling lino he has to lose some weight when he's never given a damn before and was so happy to share his love for pudding on bubble and now it's a miseryfest of "ah i'm turning into a piggy" and dieting stuff from the last messages i saw. same with felix, i love him but i cannot tell you enough how uncomfortable it makes me when he starts talking about what he (didn't) eat in a day.

i'm sure there's some good people in div1 and they care for them, or the members wouldn't have defended them in the past, and there's people they're closer with like their personal managers, but i'm also sure lately they haven't been as happy with the staff as a whole as before

so no, i'm not all that grateful to the people managing them right now

[thatsmzbitchtoyou]

The Thousand Yard Stare Chapter 6

Summary: Bucky Barnes has served his country well, and at a great personal cost.  After being rescued as a prisoner of war, he is struggling as he gets back into civilian life.  His newfound PTSD is severe.  His friends and family try to help, but he needs a lot more than they can give.  His mother signs him up for a Veteran recovery home, where he meets people struggling just like him, and the home director who has her own dark past to deal with.  He might just find love along the way as he searches for peace.

Warnings: mentions of physical assault, violence, being taken prisoner; sexual assault/r@pe; PTSD/anxiety/depression/panic attacks, flashbacks, nightmares; suicide/minor character death; eventual smut

Previous chapter Next chapter

8 months later

Bucky was not okay.  He went through the motions of civilian life.  He’d found a part time job doing office administration, which he hated.  Steve and Sam had tried helping him get back into regular life, inviting him to parties and get togethers with other friends, trying to get him going to clubs with them, meeting people, dating, but his heart wasn’t in it.  He was living in the guest house behind his parent’s home, since he couldn’t afford to get his own place, and as much as he loved his parents, it was hard living under their watchful eyes.  He had all the support and resources open to him, but he just could not stop thinking of her.

He hadn’t told anyone about his almost-relationship with Y/N, but Steve and Sam had been suspicious of something happening when he rejected their attempts to set him up on dates.  “Buck, did something…happen while you were there?” Steve bit the bullet one day as they sat in the backyard having a beer.

“What do you mean?” Bucky asked.

Steve sighed.  “Don’t bullshit me, Buck.  I know something’s up.  I could see it when we visited Mama’s House for Thanksgiving,” he said, giving Bucky an unimpressed look.  Bucky tensed up, looking away from him. “You like her,” Steve said.  “And I think something happened with her while you were there, but circumstances as they are have made you feel like it’s not a possibility–”

“She made it an impossibility,” Bucky said angrily.  He rubbed his face with his hand.  “I really don’t wanna talk about this, Steve.”

“I know your nightmares have come back,” Steve accused.  Bucky shook his head.  “Your mom heard you the other night, and she called me.”

“God,” Bucky quickly stood.  He chugged the rest of his beer and went back inside the guest house.  

“Buck, come on,” Steve said, quickly following him.  “I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me.”

“I don’t want or need your help, Steve,” Bucky rounded on him.  “I’m back, aren’t I?  Isn’t that what you all wanted?  For me to come home and get back into regular life?”

“Not if it makes you this miserable,” Steve shook his head.  

Bucky stared at him.  “I’m not miserable.”

Steve scoffed.  “Sure.  If you’re not miserable then come out with me and Sam, try to actually have fun, hook up with somebody, something!  But you can’t keep living like your mind is still there.”  He clapped Bucky’s shoulder.  “I’m sorry whatever it was didn’t work out with her.  But you’ve got to work past it.”

Bucky felt so tired.  A part of him wanted to move on, but the thought of that also made him feel sick.  He patted Steve’s hand.  “Fine.  When were you guys planning on going out?”

Steve smiled.  “Friday night karaoke.”

Bucky sighed.  “Fuck me.”

***

TRIGGER WARNING

Bucky didn’t like this bar as much as the one near Mama’s House.  It was fine but didn’t have the hometown feel, and it was filled with undergrads that made him feel old and out of place.  Each person who got up and sang was terrible, with only a few that could hold a tune, and he knew there wouldn’t be any saving grace at the end of the night.  Sam got up and sang “Edge of Glory” by Lady Gaga, which was the only time Bucky laughed all night.  

There was also a lot more dancing at this bar.  Whether it was during a karaoke performance or the music that was played in between people, there were people dancing and grinding up on each other constantly.  He had to maneuver his way through the crowd so as not to get accidentally thrusted at after grabbing another beer from the bar.  There had been a few brave, flirty souls who had come up to him, Steve and Sam, but Bucky had rebuffed their advances.  It just didn’t feel right.

While the three of them went back up to the bar again for another refill Bucky was suddenly grabbed from behind and pulled into the crowd of people dancing.  He tried to turn and see who was touching him but being surrounded by a tight group of people made it nearly impossible.  Other hands began touching his arms, his chest, his shoulders.  Drunk voices were all around him.  “Hey handsome…”  “Come dance!”  He tried pushing and pulling their hands away, then stiffened when he felt someone with large hands on his waist thrust their hips, a bulge poking into his ass.  “Pretty boy…”  He blacked out.

***

The buzzing woke Y/N up.  She groaned as she turned over and blindly grabbed for her phone.  Glancing at the clock as the light stung her eyes it read 3:32 a.m.  “What the fuck?” she grumbled.  She sat up on her elbow and answered the call.  “Hello?”

“Y/N!” the voice yelled.  “Please, we can’t find him, you have to help us.  I don’t know–”

“Wait wait,” Y/N sat all the way up.  “Who is this?”

“It’s Winnie,” she cried.  “Bucky’s gone!”

“What?” Y/N was now fully awake.  “What do you mean?  What happened?”

Winnie was uncontrollably crying and she heard a muffled noise as someone else took the phone.  “Y/N?” they said.

“Who is this?” she asked, getting out of bed and starting to get dressed.

“Hey, it’s Steve.”  He sounded exhausted.  “I don’t know what happened.  We took him out tonight to a karaoke bar and he got caught up in the crowd and then there was all this shouting and pushing, then he ran,” he said.  “We tried following him out but he was long gone.  We’ve been searching for hours, trying to call him, but he won’t answer.  We don’t know what to do…Winnie just called thinking you might be of help.”

“Shit,” Y/N sighed as she put on her shoes.  “Send me your address.  It’ll take me a few hours but I’m coming.  I don’t know how much help I’ll be…”

“You don’t have to do that,” Steve said.

“Too bad, I’m coming,” she said as she ran down the stairs, grabbing her wallet and keys and booking it to the front door.  She opened it and as she turned to close and lock it she froze as she looked at the porch swing.  “Steve,” she whispered.  “He’s here.”

“What?!” Steve asked incredulously.  

“Listen,” she said quietly.  “I’ll take care of him and call you guys in the morning, okay?  We’ll figure it all out then.  Just know that he’s here, and overall he looks like he’s okay.”

Steve sighed heavily and she heard a noise like he was rubbing his face.  “Okay, thanks Y/N.”

“No problem. Bye,” she hung up.  She slowly approached the porch swing.  Bucky was laying on it, facing away from her, his long legs dangling over the side.  “Bucky?” she called out.  She reached a hand out and shook his arm gently.  Bucky inhaled shakily.  She leaned over him to find him staring wide-eyed at the porch swing slats.  “Buck,” she reached her hand down and caressed his cheek with the backs of her fingers.  His eyes fluttered shut.  “Come back to me,” she whispered.

Bucky shivered and slowly turned his head to look at her.  When his eyes found her they were wet and his chin trembled.  “Y/N,” he whispered.

“Hey lover boy,” she smiled at him.  “Come on, let’s get you warmed up,” she said, pulling his arm.

Bucky stiffly allowed her to move him, sitting up on the porch swing.  She pulled him to stand and brought his arm around her shoulders.  Y/N led him through the house then to the back buildings.  She unlocked the comfy building, pulling him toward the cuddle room, then had him sit on the bed.  She started pulling his jacket and shoes off and looking him over.

“Are you in any pain?” she asked quietly, her hands checking his hands, arms, feet, ankles, neck, and anything else she could immediately see.

“No,” he mumbled.  She looked at him and saw the tell-tale thousand yard stare.  He was in shock.

“That’s good,” she said, watching him carefully.  She cupped his face in her hands, trying to get him to look at her.  “How did you get here?”

Bucky’s eyes were unfocused.  “Bus,” he murmured.

“For fuck’s sake,” Y/N grumbled.  She couldn’t find any injuries and so she pushed him up further onto the bed, sitting in front of him.  She grabbed his hands, taking one in each of her hands and massaging it.    “Do you wanna tell me what happened?” she asked.

Bucky’s eyes closed.  He seemed to be reveling in the touch on his hands.  “Guy grabbed me,” he muttered.  “Touched me…thrusting at me…hands everywhere…” he shivered again, his free hand tightening into a fist.  Y/N quickly grabbed it, forcing his fingers open to massage his palm.  “I…don’t remember.”

“That’s okay,” Y/N soothed him.  “He shouldn’t have done that without your consent.  That wasn’t right.  I’m sorry you felt unsafe.  It’s okay,” her hands moved up to his wrists, massaging them.  “You’re okay.  You’re safe here.”  She took her time as she moved up his arms to his shoulders, massaging along the way.  Her fingers softly scratched up his neck and his face.  His beard had grown in more, and his hair was even longer than when she last saw him.  Y/N leaned forward and scratched up into his hair, gently smoothing out any knots and massaging his scalp with her fingertips.  Bucky’s eyes flew open and focused on her, flicking across her face like he was finally recognizing her.  “I’ve got you,” she whispered.

Bucky’s face scrunched in pain, his eyes filling with tears and spilling over.  He leaned forward until his head rested on her shoulder, Y/N holding him and shushing him as he cried.  His hands reached out and pulled her toward him, Y/N moving herself to straddle his lap as he hugged her tight.  “I’ve got you,” she murmured into his ear, kissing the side of his head.  She pushed him so he would lay down next to her and held him, pulling a blanket over the both of them.  He nuzzled into her chest as he cried, his tight hold never letting up.  “I’ve got you.”

***

The sun streamed into the room and shone on Bucky’s face.  He groaned at the offending light.  He was so comfortable he didn’t want to move.  The steady beating under his ear was soothing, but the pillow seemed to be moving.  He slowly opened his eyes, adjusting to the light, before looking around.  He wasn’t in his room.  He was in…the cuddle room?  The pillow was a body, he was laying on Y/N’s breast.  He moved to sit up and looked up at her.  She was still asleep, her chest rising and falling with each breath, her mouth slightly open and her eyes moving behind her eyelids.  Her arm that cradled his head against her chest was hugging around him, her fingers still poised in his hair.  He smiled.  For the first time in months it was like his heart was settling down, his mind was quiet and his body was at ease.

Bucky settled back down, not wanting to wake her yet, and milk every moment of this peace that he could.  Unfortunately, his squirming made her groan as she stretched next to him, slowly waking up and rubbing her eyes with her free hand.  Y/N looked around momentarily before turning and looking at him.  She sleepily smiled at him.  “Good morning, Buck,” she whispered.

“Good morning,” he answered hoarsely.  He cleared his throat and moved so that he was hovering over her.  He reached a hand up and touched her face, his fingers tracing over her cheek, to her nose, and down her lips.  “I’m sorry,” he said.

“For what?” Y/N asked, watching him.

“For this,” he said, looking away.  “Just showing up out of nowhere in the middle of the night, having a panic attack, making you take care of me–”

“No,” Y/N interrupted him.  “You have nothing to apologize for.”  She grabbed the hand near her face and kissed his knuckles.  “I told you, I’ve got you.  But you should probably call your parents.”

Bucky hummed and nodded.  “Probably should.”  He sat up and she joined him, reaching for her phone on the nightstand next to the bed and checking.  She had multiple texts from Winnie, which she quickly answered.  “Your mom’s freaking out,” she said quietly.  “Do you have your phone?”

Bucky checked his pockets and found it.  “Yeah,” he said, trying to turn it on.  “It’s dead.”

“Here,” she said, pulling up Winnie’s phone number.  He thanked her and hit the call button.

“Y/N?” his mother’s voice answered.

“Hey Ma,” Bucky said.

“Bucky!” she yelled, and there was a clattering on the other end and multiple voices calling out.  “What happened?  Oh honey, we were so worried–”

“You fucker!” Sam yelled.

“Sam,” Steve chastised him.  “Buck it’s okay–”

“Bucky,” his father’s voice cut through.  “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Bucky said, watching Y/N hide her smile at all the concerned voices.  “I’m okay.  I just…had something happen that was triggering.  I honestly don’t remember much of last night.”

George sighed shakily.  “Okay.  I’m so sorry, my boy.  Just, come home, okay?  Do you need a ride?  We can come get you.”

“Dad, can I…” he paused, glancing at Y/N.  She was looking down at the bed.  “Can I call you guys back?  And we’ll figure it out?”

George paused.�� “Sure, sure.  Just call back soon, please?”

“I will,” Bucky said reassuringly.  “Love you guys.  I’m sorry–”

“Don’t be!” yelled Steve.

Bucky chuckled and said goodbye once more before hanging up.  He handed Y/N her phone back.  “Thank you,” he said.  

“You’re welcome,” she said, giving him a small, polite smile.  She moved so that her back was against the wall to face him.  They stared at each other for a long moment.  “Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked finally.

“Yeah,” he answered, looking at his hands.  “I’ll be okay.  Just had a moment.  I’ll stay away from packed bars for a while until I can work through it.”

“Good idea,” she agreed.  They sat silently again.  “I can drive you home,” she offered.

“I don’t wanna leave,” he whispered.  Another moment of silence.  

“You…you gotta go home, Bucky,” Y/N said.

“I can’t,” Bucky shook his head.  “It doesn’t feel right.”

“What do you mean?”

He sighed.  “I feel peace here.  With you.  My mind is finally quiet,” he glanced up at her.  She didn’t move.  “My heart feels calmer.  My anxiety is gone.  Please, don’t send me away,” he reached a hand out and gripped her ankle.  She didn’t move again, but her breathing was getting heavier as she watched him.  Her brow furrowed in the middle and she looked sadly at him.  “I’ll move up here,” he said, scooting forward.  “I can work here, for you, keeping up the property, doing office stuff, whatever it is you need from me,” he said more earnestly.  Y/N opened her mouth to protest.  “Yes, my family and friends are there,” he interrupted her, “but that doesn’t make it home.  You’re home,” he said, sitting in front of her, cupping her face in his hands.  Y/N closed her eyes, hesitantly nuzzling her face into his palm.  “My life is here.  You’re my life.  You, and this house, and this work, and Teddy,” he chuckled, and she snickered with him.  “All I want is this.  All I want is you,” he leaned forward and kissed her nose.  “Please, Y/N,” he whispered.  “I’ll do whatever you need, whatever you want,” he rested his forehead against her forehead, his nose tracing along her cheek.  “I’ll be your lover boy, for as long as you’ll have me.”  

Y/N giggled.  “How can you say so many sweet things and sprinkle something dirty in there?”  

“See?  I’m fun to have around,” Bucky said.  

Y/N looked up at him, the desire in her face giving him hope.  “I want you,” she said.  “I’ve missed you…so much,” her voice wobbled with emotion.  “I just don’t want to take you from your family.”

“They’ll understand,” Bucky said, kissing her cheek.  “Dad will probably want to move up here anyways.”

Y/N huffed a laugh and shook her head.  “You would drop everything to stay here?  With me?”

Bucky nodded.  “I love you.  I would have done it 8 months ago if you’d let me.”

Y/N smiled softly.  “I thought I was doing the right thing.  I didn’t mean to hurt you.”  She nuzzled her nose against his.  “You’re so much more than inappropriate timings and stolen moments,” she said.  

Bucky sighed and pulled her into his lap, his hands on her hips as she wrapped her arms around his neck.  “You love me?”

“Yes,” Y/N said, nodding.

He leaned in and kissed her cheek.  “Say it.”

Y/N smiled teasingly.  “Or what?”

Bucky looked at her in surprise.  “Hm, so you’re not always Mommy are you?”

Y/N blushed and shrugged.  “I said sometimes, didn’t I?”  

Bucky’s eyes narrowed.  “Brat,” he called her teasingly.  Y/N’s eyes widened.  Bucky leaned in again and kissed her other cheek, then her jaw, her chin, then the side of her mouth.  She tried to chase his lips but he moved away and a small whine escaped her throat.  “Say it,” he whispered against her skin.  Y/N minutely shook her head and he groaned.  He started kissing up to her forehead, over her eyelids, her nose, and back to her other cheek, littering kisses all over her face but just out of reach of her lips.  Y/N tried to guide his face back to her mouth but he grabbed her wrists and held them behind her.  She gasped as he kissed her neck.

“Bucky…” she whimpered.

“Say it,” he grunted, nipping at her collarbone.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“Again,” he licked a long stripe up her jugular.

“I love you,” Y/N said a little louder.

“Again,” he growled in her ear.

“Fuck, I love you,” she moaned loudly, pulling at her wrists in his firm hold.

“That’s what I thought,” he chuckled before releasing her wrists.

“God,” Y/N sighed, cupping his face in her hands again.  She leaned in and started kissing all over his face.  Her hips started to grind down on him, making his breath stutter.  “Are you trying to drive me crazy?  We can’t do this in here,” she breathed.

“Then let me take you out,” Bucky said, trying to keep his wits about him.  He stopped her kissing, even though he really didn’t want to, and made her look at him.  “You can drive me back, I’ll tell my family and friends what’s going on, and then we’ll come back home, and I’ll take you out sometime.  Or,” his hands ran up her sides, his fingertips barely sliding over the sides of her breasts, “you can sing me another song next karaoke night, and I can show you just how much it affects me every time you sing?  Especially those sexy songs?”

Y/N hummed as she scratched the back of his neck gently.  “It all sounds perfect,” she sighed.  

Bucky smiled, leaning in and finally kissing her lips.  “Then let’s go.”

@wintrsoldrluvr @isitbiorisitlesbian @starfly-nicole @s-a-v-a-n-a-34 @buckys-arm-and-rios-dagger @idontknowhowtonormal

[centaurianthropology]

'EXU: Divergence' is the Series I Didn't Know I Needed Right Now

I’ve now watched ‘Exandria Unlimited: Divergence’ fully through twice, plus the cooldown multiple times, and from the beginning to the end of the first episode it hit me like a sledgehammer. It's probably the most brutal EXU to date, and it is also somehow the most uplifting.

It's such a departure from the other Calamity-era EXU series in the best possible way, and I wish we could have an entire longform campaign with this cast in this time and place.

Spoilers for episode 1 of EXU: Divergence below the cut.

‘Calamity’ was a tragedy in the most classic sense: powerful people at the height of their strength who damn the world in their hubris. ‘Downfall’ was also a tragedy in a different way, a family of gods coming together briefly to save themselves, but at what cost?

But ‘Divergence’ is a story about ordinary people. As the gods play their family games, and the powerful vie for even more power than they could ever use, and hoard wealth and resources beyond what they would ever need, these are just five people trying to get enough food and water and rest. Trying to survive in a world that acts first as an oppressive prison and then in indifferent chaos as the gods fight above them.

They're not even Level 1 adventurers. These are level 0 nobodies. NPC stat blocks. They don’t have classes; they have jobs. And in each of these people, we see the true heart of what good people can do in desperate and damning times.

I want to talk about all these characters, because I love them so much. I love the story they and their rolls are telling.

Nia isn’t a cleric with magical healing; she’s a nurse with some herbs and bandages and a little knowledge. Hell, in a world where misery is endlessly and pointlessly perpetuated by the games of the powerful, she’s not even a healer. She’s a repairer of bodies. She keeps feeding them back as grist in the mill, because what else can she do?

She can hope. She can believe that change is coming. But more than believing in it, she can act toward it. She can enact tiny acts of rebellion and kindness. Because maybe she is just repairing bodies, but she will desperately overreach and overplay her hand to try to buy them a little more time, a little more comfort, a little more light in the darkness.

She's young and naive, but her hope is still chosen at every terrible moment. Even when she falls into exhaustion, having prayed over her sister's locket and received nothing in return, Nia still chooses to act. She chooses to get up and, if water isn't coming to her, to go looking for it instead. She is doing better than the others, even if she's not doing well. And so she goes. She looks. She sees a friend die, wishing with his dying breath to see the rain.

And it rains. Not, to her mind, because a god walks across the world before her. Even if she sees the god, she's not looking there. She knows that Starmian made the rain. She sees the acts of people good and bad. She sees the power in hope.

Garen isn’t a fighter or a druid; he’s a stonemason with one arm and a hammer. And he’s a man who has spent so long under the boot of oppression, so long being ground down into nothing that he’s learned never to hope except when exhaustion takes him so fully that he forgets not to hope. That's when he can still see the faces of his family, instead of the prison he's lived in for so long he built most of it.

He is a character we meet in complete despair, but he's also the first to move past it. As soon as the opportunity for action arises, as soon as there are people in need, Garen takes his old and tired body and makes it work for people he’s never met, simply because an injustice is being done to them. Because he’s been waiting for longer than he can remember to stand back up after being beaten down. When he brings his hammer down on a guard’s head, when he breaks through a wall to save a bunch of dragonborn he’s never met, when he insists that they will not leave children to die. This is a man remembering what it is to stand up.

He wants to save everyone, well beyond what he's currently capable of, because once hope is rekindled he clings to it. He believes firmly that if people who can help others don’t do so, then what is the point?

Fiedra isn’t a rogue; she’s a gang leader with the ability to talk her way out of trouble. She also isn’t nearly the altruist that Garen and Nia are. She acts out of self-interest because that was how she’s survived as long as she has. She has a roach tattooed on her arm. She is a survivor, someone who can worm her way into a position of slight privilege even in the worst prison imaginable. And when she’s starting to feel the effects of exhaustion from their march north, she sneaks a meal from their dwindling food stocks that no one else gets. Because that is what a survivor does, even if it hurts others.

But she's also not so simple. She only eats the cheese after she checks to make sure her friend isn’t becoming exhausted as well. Because as much as she knows how dangerous it is, Fiedra cares. She shows it again and again in her interactions with Crokas, how she drops everything including her position of privilege and relative comfort in the prison to try to break him free.

Crokas is her family; her gang was her community, and she cared for them fiercely. And now all she has is Crokas (because the dice tell an amazing story, and those terrible rolls were incredible for her character development). So she looks after him. She jumps to his defense when it’s revealed that his breath weapon doesn’t work. She talks him up, tells everyone how great he is, explains things to him when he doesn't understand.

She’s not to the point where she’s capable of expanding that compassion out beyond the two of them (“The best I can do, kid” was a hell of a line). But she’s making steps in that direction. She survived a hellish march with these people. When she and Crokas found Starmian’s body she was the one who immediately asked where Nia and Erro were. Sometimes, when the shit hits the fan, all you can do is care for yourself and those you love. Learning to care for more than that tiny sphere is part of part of reclaiming the best of one’s personhood in the worst of times, and part of finally building a future instead of just surviving now.

Crokas isn’t a barbarian; he’s a massive bodyguard in way over his head. He has no idea what’s going on most of the time. He has an intelligence stat of 6, and he’s stuck in a world that keeps upending itself on him. Maybe he understood how life worked in a city with his gang and with Fiedra guiding him. Even in Rybad Kol, the worst prison imaginable, a man as massive and imposing as Crokas probably did all right, especially with Fiedra talking the Roaches’ way into running the Slop.

And then every dragonborn in the prison was taken to be carted off to die for a goddess he’d never heard of, purely because they were dragonborn. He can barely even understand that he’s part of a singled-out minority group, and certainly can't grasp the machinations of gods.

But he can see that, in the cart with him, there are children. And when they escape he might not understand how this happened. But he understands that this long march toward some hope for a future is currently killing them. They don't have food or water. Their feet are damaged for the rest of their lives by this endless walk north. It is SO BAD.

But he notices when those children start to become exhausted, so he walks like a monitor lizard with them riding on his back.

Because that's what strength is for.

Not to rule. Not to hurt. To lift up those who can’t stand, and carry them. Crokas may not understand what’s going on, but he understands what needs to be done, and what he can do. And the fact that he starts carrying those children, taking penalties against his constitution saving throws at the end of every bad day on the road, right after Fiedra ate that cheese in secret? The look on her face says it all.

Erro is not a ranger or a druid; he's a mapmaker who has survived for far too many years seeing far too many horrors. He is clearly almost as old as Garen, and is far more stubbornly jaded. Their lives have both been destroyed, but all of Erro’s travels, everything he’s done has ground him down to basic survival. He is practical, but still not cruel. Liam said in the cooldown that he’s been on a teeter-totter between simply surviving to live another day, and the thought he could even hope for a better world.

He’s not there yet. He’s more like Fiedra in his fatalism, even if he's not as openly cynical. And yet he still follows Nia when she goes out with Starmian to find water. He still looks after her, just like Fiedra looks after Crokas. And like Fiedra, he sees in Nia the hope he tries to smother in himself. Starmian dies, as Erro knew he would, because he’s seen dozens of Starmians.

But then the rains come. The gods give and take and take and take and give and take. The world is a cruel place, but he still watches a younger, more hopeful person fall to her knees with the rain in her hands as she cries in thanks.

I am immediately and completely enamored with these ordinary people living through extraordinary times. I can’t wait to see what becomes of them, how the world shapes them and breaks them and how they might lift one another and a community up out of the rubble.

I didn’t know how much I needed this right now. Because it’s SO BAD, but the very first word in the very first episode is hope. And more than hope, these people are embodying acting in tiny ways to build a better future. I know that myself and a lot of people have been watching the enshittification of the world around us and feel like ants under the feet of uncaring, cruel tyrants and gods. Like their games always lead to suffering, and they either don’t care or actively enjoy that part of it. And it's so easy to give in to despair, to become convinced that there is absolutely nothing that can be done.

But we are all level 0 ordinary people too. And we can still hope. We can still take acts of defiance and kindness, great and small. We can stand up again when we’re knocked down, even when it hurts. We can help those we love to live day to day, even while we can take what steps we can to build and lift up a larger community. We can live through hell, because even in that hell there will be moments of exquisite beauty and joy.

Because maybe all of us can find the rain.

[magpiethepunkfairy]

Happy aromantic spectrum week!!!!

I'm aroace, attraction makes no sense to me, I don't see a line between romantic and platonic attraction and I don't experience sexual attraction at all, and I've only just come to terms with being aro

I wanted to share a very lovely interaction I had with my partner when we were talking about boundaries and expectations, because it's the first time I've had this interaction and I know my fellow partnering arospecs will appreciate it to :)

At some point during our conversation I told them "I know I've talked to you about how I experience attraction a lot, but I just wanna make sure that your really ok with the fact that my feelings aren't really romantic and will fluctuate"

And they thought about it, took me seriously, and said "I'm totally ok with it, I appreciate you checking in, but it doesn't bother me at all"

A little while after he checked in with me to make sure I was ok with the fact he's feelings where romantic, which I am, and it was a really good conversation and made me feel safe and thought about and seen

Happy aro spec week to everyone, including the people who see us and support us in any and everyway possible

[jananakookie]

Rumor Has It | pjm - Chapter 8

💬 Pairing: Jimin x OC (Reader)

💬 Genre/Tags: enemies(?) to lovers, fake-dating au; angst, fluff, smut

💬 Chapter warnings: Jimin has dirty thoughts, bits of jealousy here and there

💬 Word count: 8.2k

💬 Recap:

Rumor has it, Park Jimin is single again after his latest girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend.

Rumor has it, he's willing to get back at them.

Rumor has it, you're the perfect means to an end.

Previous Chapter - Index - Next Chapter

Chapter 8: Past Ties, Present Tensions.

A week has passed since Jimin's and your night together. You shouldn't be so relaxed about it, but you must admit it was probably the best thing that could have happened to you two. 

Admittedly, the morning after was a bit awkward at first. You weren't sure what to say and didn't know how he would react. Luckily, you're both pros at shaving off unpleasant situations and not taking yourselves too seriously, so it passed quickly. Not long after, you were yourselves again, fooling around and making jokes about it.

Now it feels like you just fucked away all the sexual tension and frustration that was undoubtedly in the air, making more room for the things that really matter. Like saving your reputation and… whatever Jimin wants out of this. 

You have stopped trying to understand what he wants from Yeji. After your last talk, you're sure his biggest anger is directed at Taehyung instead of her. It's up to him if he can forgive her and wants her back––even if you could never understand it. It's not your place to judge his love life. 

Once this deal is over, you'll likely have no further connection with him, so it's best not to get too involved in his life in the first place. He neither wants nor needs your advice. While things may seem friendlier now, you're still nothing but a means to an end. And that end is supposed to be Yeji.

It shouldn’t feel so strange to think about this, but you can’t change your feelings. You can say many things about him, and not everything will be positive, but Jimin is basically your life right now—in the most unromantic way possible. The status of your relationship doesn’t really matter; he is still the sole reason you’ve been leaving your house lately, whether you like it or not.

It's the events he invites you to, his friends you spend time with, and he's the only reason you can be around people without receiving stupid comments.

In a way, this is the best time you've had in a while, but it's just an illusion. As sad as it sounds, you had nothing before him and you'll have nothing when he's gone again. It's a bitter pill to swallow.

These are the thoughts that keep you awake these days and these are the reasons why you need this emotional distance from him. At the end of the day, he’s not your friend and he never will be. 

Even now, this moment, while you're spending time with Nayeon, these thoughts are buzzing around in your head and distracting you from what she is saying. 

“You can join me and my cousin on our shopping trip. I’ll show you around, we’ll go clubbing… just us girls. It would be so much more fun with you around,” Nayeon suggests, pouting a little to pursue you. 

You grin, leaning back against the tree with a contended sigh as you shake your head. “An extended weekend alone won’t kill me, Nayeon. I’ll be fine,” you counter. “I don't mind being on my own for a while. And don’t act like I could afford any of that,” you wink, partly joking, partly not. The shops Nayeon and her cousin shop at are a hundred percent out of your financial capability.

“I’ll pay?” She sends you an innocent grin but quickly takes it back when she sees the look you give her and replaces it with a displeased growl. “Then ask Jimin for some pocket money! It's the least he can do if he's going to leave you here alone for four days,” she whines, sending death glares to a nonpresent Jimin. 

“I told you before, I’m the one who didn’t want to come and I’m totally fine with staying here by myself for a few days. I promise.”

There's an upcoming extended weekend, and Jimin is spending it with his family in their vacation home in God knows where. He’s asked you multiple times to join them, telling you his parents have asked you to come and join them but you declined for many reasons. The biggest one is that you have no business being there on their family vacation. 

The first time you met his family was nerve-wracking enough; you don't have to repeat that, especially not for several days at a time––you know you'll mess it up somehow.

“He hasn’t spent any time alone with his family in forever. I’ll let him have that,” you explain. “We really don’t need to see each other every single day. That’s not healthy anyway,” you try to reason, although Nayeon strongly disagrees. 

“As his girlfriend, you’re a part of his family. He’d love to have you there, I’m sure.”

You love how concerned she is for you but it’s hard when she never accepts your excuses as to why you can’t always do these lovey coupley stuff things with her best friend and it’s a little bothersome.

“Nah, sorry. I already have a hot date with my TV and a frozen pizza. Gotta get back to my roots,” you wink, earning a soft slap to your shoulder that makes you laugh. “Mijoo’s boyfriend isn’t coming either so I thought it’d be a good opportunity.” 

“Yeah but no one wants him there in the first place, I’m afraid,” Nayeon states. 

“Not you too! Leave that poor kid alone, oh my God.”

Nayeon bursts into laughter, and you can’t help but join in, although you still feel a bit guilty about it. As your laughter gradually fades, you notice Jimin approaching. His dance lesson has run over time again, and you both agreed to meet here once he finishes. You see him scanning the area for you, and finally, his gaze lands on you after Nayeon kindly waves him over.

You show him a smile, which he returns before someone seems to call him from behind and he stops and turns.

From a distance, you can't understand anything, but you can see that Leah is the one who approaches him and gives him something. Jimin takes it and says something before he turns back around but she quickly grabs his arm and says something else.

“Ugh, I hate when she does that.”

You tear your gaze from the scene to Nayeon, who is watching them as well but with a displeased frown on her otherwise perfect face. 

“Who? Leah?” You ask as she nods affirmatively.

“She just can't let it go, it’s pathetic,” she sighs, looking at you. “You’re better than me. If I were in your shoes, I would have told her off by now.”

You scoff out a laugh. “Aren’t you a bit dramatic? She’s not doing anything. As far as I know, Jimin is helping her with an upcoming performance or something.” 

“Babe, trust me. She doesn’t need his help for anything, she just wants to be around him,” she replies, looking displeased.

You pause for a moment while you study Leah's body language. Her hand is still on Jimin's arm, and even at that distance, it's clear she's flirting. It reminds you of the dance lesson you accidentally barged into and how she behaved there. Maybe Nayeon is not entirely wrong. But this is technically none of your business although you can’t tell her that. 

You shrug, fishing your phone out of your pocket, and try to occupy yourself with something else instead. “I’m sure he can handle one or two fangirls.”

“Of course. I didn’t want to plant any negative thoughts into your head, I’m sorry if I did that.” Nayeon apologies. “It’s just… given the circumstances, it would probably bother me more than you right now but maybe that’s the problem. I'm so pre-loaded by my previous relationship that I lack confidence. Jimin would never do anything like that. He's not like Taehyung.”

You understand what she means. Her history with Taehyung has left her with scars, but you're sure that she's far from being the only one who feels this way. You even have your own trust issues. You would never judge her for that. And even if you don't see this situation with Leah as half as dramatic as Nayeon does, there's still something in what she said that makes you wonder.

“What circumstances?” 

She halts for just about a moment before she speaks. “Well you know… their past and all that. It would bother me if I was in your position.”

Nayeon sounds hesitant and her face changes from concerned to alarmed when she sees the confusion in your eyes. 

“He hasn’t told you.”

“Hasn’t told me…”

“That they used to sleep with each other,” she explains. “She was basically the one to help him get over Yeji. You must know about that, no?”

Her reaction suggests that your silence is enough of a response. “I’m so sorry, ___! I didn’t know! I shouldn’t have said anything.” Nayeon sounds genuinely heartbroken for you and you wonder if your facial expression is doing anything it isn’t supposed to. So you quickly gather yourself and offer her an uninterested shrug. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m fine.”

“You know what? You’re right.“ Nayeon scoffs, sending glares toward Jimin. “He was the one who should have told you. I can’t believe he didn’t,” she fumes. 

“He doesn’t have to tell me about everyone he was sexually involved with before we even met,” you reason. He doesn’t have to tell you anything really. Although it would have been nice if you had known since you feel pretty stupid now.

"I believe it would be the most respectful thing to inform you about that if it involves someone he is clearly still in contact with," she insists. "He's a good guy. I know it might not mean anything, but it feels pretty inconsiderate towards you."

You must admit that she has a point here. If Jimin was your actual boyfriend, it would probably make you feel uncomfortable, which is why you can understand Nayeon's reaction. But he isn’t your boyfriend and you’re not allowed to feel anything towards this revelation so the fact that it does bother you in some way, is bothering you in a whole different way. 

“You have to talk to him about it. I love him, but his stupid boy brain probably doesn't even know he's done anything wrong, so you have to confront him about it, okay?”

“I will,” you sigh. “Just don’t say anything now,” you plead, seeing Jimin walk over to you.

He’s smiling as he breaks into a soft jog to join you a little sooner but it disappears as soon as his eyes fall on Nayeon’s death glare, that’s undoubtedly directed at him.

“Hey. Sorry, it took me so long.”

“I’m sure you are.” Nayeon doesn’t hold back even a little and you’re going to strangle her later for making this a bigger deal than it has to be.

He looks at her confused, giving you a chance to send glares her way. “What crawled up your ass?” 

Nayeon ignores your subtle hints and grabs her bag before looking at him with a look that’s anything but nice. “Your audacity, Jimin. Your audacity.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He is now directing his question more toward you, realizing that he is not on Nayeon’s good side right now even if he has no idea why. 

You don’t even know what to say or do, so you just avert your eyes and try not to get involved. 

Nayeon doesn’t say anything else to him and just waves at you to tell you she’ll leave now, not without giving you a certain look that tells you to have that talk with Jimin. 

Moments like this make you wish she knew the truth. It's unfair to lie to her when there's no good reason. Plus, you feel guilty for constantly lying to your friend.

She probably wouldn't approve of your plan, but she wouldn't tell anyone either. You can be sure of that. Besides, it would make so many things easier, especially for you. Sometimes you just need someone to complain to about Jimin. Jungkook doesn't count.

“Am I tripping or is she mad at me?” Jimin asks you this time directly. 

“Yes, she is.” You sigh, dreading this conversation already.

“Well, are you going to tell me the reason?” 

You let out a quiet groan and cover your face with your hands. “Why didn’t you tell me you used to be involved with Leah?” you blurt out, immediately cursing yourself for sounding so offended.

Jimin looks taken aback, opening and closing his mouth a few times before clearing his throat. He gives a somewhat shy smile and rubs the back of his neck. “I didn’t think that would be important.”

You hate yourself for even bringing it up and now having to have this conversation with him when it concerns something that is none of your business. You don't even want to imagine what he might think.

“It’s not!” You squeal, coughing right after. The words leave your mouth a little too fast. “I mean, I don’t care,” you clarify, watching him just nod his head but looking even more confused. 

“Yea, didn’t think you would which is why I never said anything,” he chuckles. “So why are you asking me now?”

You groan again, cursing not only yourself but Nayeon for bringing it up. “I don’t even know. It’s stupid.”

However, you've already said too much and you know he isn't going to relent now, so you decide to give him a quick run-through of your and Nayeon's conversation earlier. 

“Nayeon was complaining about her 'still trying with you' and was wondering why I was so okay with it considering your past. I clearly didn’t know what she meant and now she’s mad at you because she thinks you intentionally kept this little detail from me—which would be pretty shitty from you if we were actually dating which we aren’t, but I can’t tell her that so… it’s awkward now. Sorry.” 

Jimin sighs, rolling his eyes in annoyance. “This is typical for her. She loves sticking her nose in other people’s business and making it her problem. She’ll come around,” he waves it off, seemingly not giving it a second thought, which is not to your satisfaction.

You don’t agree with him on this. He might be right about her making your situation her problem but she doesn't do it out of boredom or because she's curious. You understand her intention behind it.

“I think you misjudge her reaction,” you say, crossing your arms in defense. “She’s just trying to be a good friend to me. Purposely keeping that from me would be a pretty shitty thing from you if we were actually dating which we aren’t. But she doesn’t know that and I can’t tell her so… it’s not her fault. She’s being a real one.”

Jimin scoffs and turns away from you, checking his phone without saying another word, which only makes you angrier.

“Why the attitude now?” You confront him, not seeing the point of letting him off so easily. Not when he decides to be immature about this. 

“What attitude, ___?” He sighs, clearly showing that he is now tired of you as well. 

“You’re being a dick about it and I don’t get why,” you snap. 

“I’m not being a dick. I just don’t feel like discussing my past hookups right now and I still don’t get why you care.”

“I don’t care!” You state, starting to really get annoyed. “You can do whatever you want as long as it doesn’t involve me and guess what? It does. It would have been nice to know that you've slept several times with that one girl you always have private dance lessons with and who is always around you, so I don't look like a clueless idiot when I'm asked about it. Cause tell you what, it was really fucking awkward and it was just Nayeon. I don’t even want to imagine what everyone else is saying about it. You think that has no influence on what is said about us?”

“For the record, she’s not always around. At all. We share a dance class and sometimes I stay behind to help her with something she doesn’t quite get. Nothing more, nothing less. I’ve never heard anyone say anything about it because I’m very careful about that and I still don’t get why it's that big of a deal for you. Why does it matter what a few individual idiots might think? Everything is going great.”

“Oh?” You raise your brows, feigning surprise. “That’s interesting because I remember it was a very big deal for you when this was about Jeon and me.”

“That was different—”

“Why?“ You cut him off. “Because you were the one that was made fun of? Because you can handle it better when people talk about me instead of you?”

Jimin’s eyes go soft at your words and he lowers his head with a soft sigh. “No, of course not.”

Your gaze on him remains sharp as he looks at you again. 

“I didn’t think about that. I’m sorry. I didn’t consider what it’s like from your perspective.” He rakes his fingers through his hair, and you hate yourself for how attractive you think he looks right now when this is the completely wrong moment for thoughts like that. 

“Look, what happened between Leah and me was never anything serious. Not in the slightest. We hooked up for a while because it was convenient. Well, at least for me but that was it. It was just a couple of times and we always parted right after so… no big deal. I didn’t tell you about it because it wasn’t necessary at the beginning; we weren’t close or anything and we barely ever hung out when we didn't have to. She recently asked me if I could help her with a few new steps and I thought nothing of it and agreed. That’s it. But I understand your concerns and she undoubtedly is a bit… clingy. I’ll tell her to find someone else to help her.”

“No, you don’t have to do that,” you frown. “That’s not what I wanted.”

“But you’re right. It really doesn’t look good. And she does get a bit too close at times. I don’t want her to get any wrong ideas. I’m taken after all,” he argues, sending a wink your way that makes a strange feeling appear in your stomach area.

“Do whatever you need to do. I just don’t want to be involved.”

He hums, not saying anything more. You don’t look at him but when he turns strangely quiet you do, seeing him smirk at you. 

“What?” You ask, arching a brow. 

Jimin chuckles, wrapping his arm around you and bringing you closer to his side. “You’re kinda hot when you’re jealous.”

You almost spit out the remains of your drink, suddenly getting into a coughing fit as you hear Jimin’s sinister laugh next to your ear.

“I am NOT jealous!” You deny and deliberately push him away from you. “Have you understood anything of what I just explained to you?”

You pout, realizing he doesn’t take you seriously at all; he’s still laughing so hard that his eyes disappear completely. Fed up with him, you stand up, ready to leave and escape from him. However, he reacts quickly and grabs your hand before you can go, pulling you back into him. 

“Man. This is going to be hard,” he sighs, fighting against your attempts to get yourself free from his grip and smiling when your groans turn into slight giggles. 

After you have regained your composure, you find yourselves in a position that does not suggest that you were arguing just a few minutes before. Jimin is leaning against the tree and you're lying on your back with your head in his lap. You enjoy the feeling of him playing with your hair as you absentimindedly pick apart a daisy.

It's a calming atmosphere that even allows you to ignore the noise of other students.

“You’re gonna be okay this weekend?” Jimin's soft voice suddenly rings out.

You form an answer with a certain look you give him. “Why is everyone asking me this as if I’m incapable of being by myself? It’s just four days. I’ll survive,” you chuckle, trying to poke his cheek from your current position to get rid of that intense stare he's giving you. 

“I know you will but just in case… My parents would love to have you there,“ he says. 

“Me, not so much, but I would cope,” he then jokes, sending you a wink with it. “The house is right by the sea. Could be romantic. You, a bikini, me…”

“Ew, I don't need any more reasons not to come, Park. I've already made up my mind,” you cringe, dramatically shaking your head to dispel the image as you lift your head from his lap and sit up next to him.

“But it’s going to be so boring!” He whines, dramatically falling flat on the grass and covering his face. “I wanna make out on the beach,” he pouts peaking at you through his fingers. 

“You’ve never been less desirable,” you say in a dry tone, occupying yourself with your phone, not noticing him creeping up behind you until you feel his lips on your neck, reaching that spot right under your ear. Goosebumps break out all over your arms, and of course he notices. It makes you shut up real quick.

“You were saying?” He rasps, and even if you can’t see his face right now, you can imagine that huge smirk on his lips just fine. 

You straighten your back as you turn and look around to make sure nobody is watching you as you clear your throat. “Whatever. It won’t happen.” 

Jimin lets out a long sigh, mumbling something about this being the longest four days of his life, but he doesn’t pester you any further, which you’re very thankful for. 

“I received an invitation to Leah’s birthday party,” he informs you. “Are we going? It’s next week, apparently.”

You put your phone away and raise a brow in question as you look at him. “You’re asking me?”

“Well yes. We’re only going if it’s okay with you. If you think it could be uncomfortable, perhaps we should leave it alone. Your decision.” For a change, he sounds genuinely interested in your opinion on this without trying to annoy or make fun of you. 

You feel warm, knowing that despite his teasing, he understood your earlier conversation and is willing to let you decide what to do. 

“Was it you who received the invitation or us?” You grin, aware that there must be a reason Leah invited him separately from everyone else.

“Inviting me automatically means inviting you too,” he scoffs, not sharing your perspective. “She knows that.”

“If you say so,” you shrug. “You know her better than I do.” 

Why you feel the need to say that, you don’t even know and you bite your tongue right after, hating yourself for sounding so grumpy and silly when you already moved on from that topic. Plus you don’t want Jimin to get the wrong idea again because you are not jealous. You’re not. 

Lucky for you, he doesn’t catch up on your tone. It’s either that or he doesn’t comment on it, and knowing Jimin, he surely would. 

You don’t see the appeal in another unnecessary conflict so you swallow your distaste and muster up a smile. “We should go.”

“Really?” Judging by his expression, Jimin did not expect to hear that from you. 

“Sure.” You shrug. “Why not?” 

“Okay,“ he nods, showing you a considerate smile. “But now let's go back to the bikini one more time—”

You don't let him finish the thought before you stand up, rolling your eyes and telling him you’re going home.

It’s late and you’re already tucked under your cozy blanket, laying on your uncomfortable couch and scrolling through your phone when your doorbell rings. 

You’re certain you didn’t order anything; your mom would have called you first, and Jimin should be out with his family by now. So, your introverted and lazy self decides to ignore whoever it is at the door.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t take long before the doorbell rings again. 

Ringing the wrong doorbell once might be a mistake, but if the person tries again, it could be important. By now, you’re almost convinced that it must be Jimin making one last attempt to get you to join him in living out his unfulfilled fantasies.

You’re not exactly thrilled about being interrupted during your me-time, so when you open the door, you respond with a curt, “What?” However, your irritation turns to embarrassment when you find your new neighbor standing in front of you.

You saw each other for the first time a few weeks ago when he moved in, but you only had a fleeting conversation. He's the last person you expected to see at this time of night.

You gasp, quickly trying to cover yourself in front of the stranger. It's not that you're inappropriately dressed, but standing in front of a stranger in your much too big pajamas when you're not even wearing your bra doesn't happen usually. 

“I'm sorry, I hate to bother you this late,” he apologizes, seeing how startled you look. 

“No, no! I’m the one who’s sorry. I was expecting someone else,” you chuckle, brushing a loose strand behind your ear in a desperate attempt to make yourself look a bit less… unkempt.

“Can uhh can I help you with anything?” 

Your neighbor, you think you remember his name is Luca, nods and seems to remember the reason why he knocked on your door in the first place. “Yeah sorry, I was wondering if maybe you have a few eggs for me? I haven't managed to do any proper grocery shopping yet due to the stress of moving house and I just finished my workout. Need to get some protein in.”

His answer makes you grin inwardly. Of course, he's a gym bro. Jimin would have a field day making fun of him for that response alone.

“Sure, wait a second. I’ll get them.” You close your door, leaving a small crack open, as you head back into your apartment to get the eggs. It's odd that the door is now wide open when you return, and your neighbor is peering inside with curious eyes.

His gaze then falls on you as you come closer and hand him the box, which he takes with gratitude but he’s not making any moves to leave yet. “Your apartment looks just like mine, but mirrored,” he says, more or less just stating the obvious. 

“Yes, they’re pretty much all built the same.” 

You don’t want to be rude, but you wish he would leave now. Small talk isn’t your strongest suit and you still don’t feel comfortable in your current attire especially when your opponent is very handsome even in just a simple tank top and joggers. Unfortunately for you, he seems to be a friendly one, so you think it can't hurt to be friendly as well. You're neighbors now, so you'll be seeing and talking to each other more often anyway. No need to immediately show him how secluded you usually are.

“So… have you settled in yet?”

His face immediately brightens at your question and you feel a bit of sympathy. It must be hard to move to a new city where you don't know anyone yet. Although this does sound like your ideal dream, he seems like he's happy to be able to talk to someone here.

“I have. I really like it here so far.” He smiles, looking genuine. “I’ll start my new job after the holidays and I guess that is going to be a challenge, but I still have a few days until then to really settle in some more. It'll be fine.”

You spent some more time to talk and get to know him a bit and you learn that he's really quite nice, if a little too flirty at times. Not like Jimin and also not like Jungkook but in a different way that is sometimes a little bit too much for you. But it could also be because he's still a stranger to you and you don't know exactly how to deal with it. All in all, he seems fine and you're glad that someone like him has the apartment next to yours. 

As you laugh at something he said, someone enters the front door of your apartment building. You don’t pay much attention to it at first. Out of the corner of your eye, the person in the black hood looks familiar, but you assume it’s just another neighbor coming home.

Sensing the person approaching, you both finally turn to look in his direction. Even with the hood pulled down low over his face, you recognize him immediately.

Hearing the sound of your laughter, Jimin tilts his head up. His eyes lock onto you for a moment before glancing over at your new next-door neighbor with a raised brow.

“What are you doing here this late? I thought you had a family thing going on,” you gasp, momentarily forgetting your companion as your focus shifts to Jimin. At first glance, he appears a bit worn and tired, making you wonder if something happened, considering he should be at the Park family residence by now.

“I uh…“ he starts, sighing before he offers you a small smile. “Long story, actually. Can I come in?”

His hesitant reply makes you wary but you don't yet comment on it and give him a bit more space to enter your apartment. “Of course, come in.”

Jimin squeezes in next to you, and in your astonishment, you completely forget about Luca until you hear him clear his throat to make himself known.

“So, um, see you around, I guess?” he says with a chuckle, a bit uncomfortable. You immediately feel guilty about your rudeness. It seems wrong to abruptly cut off your conversation, but you don't want to make Jimin wait, and it's getting late. So, you offer Luca an apologetic smile and nod before wishing him a good night, which he returns.

Once inside, you find Jimin already raiding your fridge. “Who was that?” He asks nonchalantly when he notices you behind him. 

“Hm? Oh, no one,” you wave off, more interested in why he’s here. But then you suddenly notice something. “Oh my God, what happened to your hand?” You gasp as you examine his swollen, bruised hand.

“Mijoo and Dickface broke up,” he says, not seeming the slightest bit phased.

“What?” you exclaim. “Did you hit him? Jimin, he’s seventeen! He’s a minor!”

“He broke her heart, I broke his nose.” He shrugs carelessly. “Sounds fair to me.“

You can't believe how uninterested he is in such a situation. “You could get in so much trouble for this you big idiot,” you scoff.

“I know. My dad yelled at me for an hour. You don’t need to remind me. And still, I’d do it again,” he shrugs. “He shouldn’t have hurt her. I warned him from the start not to mess with her.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose, trying to let everything sink in for a moment before you sigh. Focus on the important things first. "How is she?" 

"I didn't talk to her much. When I got home, she was crying. As soon as I learned what had happened, I went to see Chanyeol. When I returned home, my parents blocked me and screamed at me until I left voluntarily. And now I'm here," he explains, chugging a big glass of water in almost one go.

“You’re unbelievable.“

“Unbelievably hot?“ He grins, unmistakably trying to lift the mood a little. 

“Unbelievably stupid,” you object. “What if he or his parents decide to report this? It won't look good on your resume. And if it gets around town with your father's business partners, have you considered that?“

He doesn’t respond, but the frown on his face shows that he clearly hasn’t thought about it.

“Look, no matter what you have to say, I promise you my dad has already said it,“ he sighs, gripping the empty glass tightly in his hand before placing it on the counter. “I appreciate your concern for my future, but I didn't come here for another lecture. I came here to escape exactly that.”

You're about to tell him that you don't care and that you're still going to lecture him all you want when you notice how exhausted he looks. His hand appears to be hurting badly, given how much he winces whenever he tries to move his fingers.

And instead, you go soft.

“Show me your hand,“ you demand, trying not to let on that you care a bit too much.

He looks up from it surprised but doesn’t make a move as he shakes his head. “Ah, it’s not that bad—“

“Jimin.“ You call out in a warning tone. “Let me see.“ 

He sighs but reluctantly offers you his hand so you can inspect it. It’s swollen, and the skin around his knuckles is slightly torn, but other than that, it doesn’t seem too serious. “You’re lucky; it doesn't appear to be broken,” you say, glancing up into his eyes and noticing that he’s already looking at you.

You take a moment to grab a cold pack from your freezer, wrap it in a cloth, and place it in Jimin's hand. “This should work for now. Well, it’s all I can do anyway.”

“Thanks,” he replies, giving you a kind smile, though it’s clear there’s something else on his mind. You decide to press him for more information.

“What is it?” you ask.

“Would it be okay if I stayed the night?” he asks hesitantly. “Things got a bit heated at home, so I left without my stuff. As far as I know, the guys aren’t home tonight, so I wouldn’t be able to get into my place either.”

You didn't expect him to leave in the first place, and since you have no plans, you tell him that his request isn't a problem for you. 

Jimin looks incredibly relieved when he realizes he doesn't have to go back to his parent's house—at least for today. You're glad to be able to give him that. Even if he can be annoying, you wouldn't just let him run off in such a situation.

“So, you canceled a romantic weekend at the beach and the exclusive chance to see me lying in the sun, shirtless and sweaty, for this?” He suddenly asks, gesturing to your baggy pajamas, the fluffy blanket, and the now cold tea on your little coffee table.

You'd rather interrogate him about what happened at his parents' house than engage in that type of banter again, but you recognize that he clearly doesn't want to discuss it and is trying to lighten the mood.

“Looks like it,” you shrug. “Thanks for interrupting my plans for the evening.” 

He lets out a soft, humorless laugh, his eyes intensely focused on your face. “Yeah, seemed like I was interrupting indeed.”

Taken aback by his sudden use of a sassy tone, you raise a brow in question. “Excuse me?” You ask, copying his tone. “Is there anything you have to say?”

“It was just an observation. That’s all.” He pretends not to care, but you know him better than that. 

“Oh.” You smirk, enjoying the turn of events a little too much. “Look who’s jealous now.”

“Jealous? What is there to be jealous of?” He chuckles, looking nothing short of cocky while you watch him with a cheeky smile. 

“Just checking,” you shrug. “You’re kinda hot when you’re jealous,” you mimic his earlier words, feeling superior for a total of three seconds before you’re pressed against the counter.

“And I think you’re very hot in your wrinkled, worn-out pajamas. What are we gonna do about that?” He’s testing you, his gaze slowly shifting from your eyes to your lips.

You can clearly feel his breath on your lips as he patiently waits for you to do the next step, which is a definite indicator that he’s too close. So you let your hands rest on his chest for a second, feeling his heartbeat steadily pound against it as he comes even closer. And then you lightly push him off and bring some much-needed space between you, leaving him confused and taken aback for a moment.

“You can take a shower if you want. I’m heading to bed soon, I’m tired,” you say, walking off without giving him as much as another look. 

But before you leave the room entirely, you halt and turn back around to see him standing there, still in the same position, looking rather confused. “Jimin?” You call his name to get his attention. 

When his eyes find yours just a beat later, you continue. “What happened between us a couple days ago,” you start. “It was a one-time thing. And it won’t happen again,” you clarify. 

Jimin’s expression is somewhat dumbfounded at first but he quickly covers it up with his typical smirk and a leisurely nod. “I know. Relax.” 

Then you turn away, leaving him to take a shower while you are left with your thoughts.

It seems that spending nights with Jimin has slowly become a regular occurrence, and it's surprising how little this seems to bother you. Sharing a bed with him has never felt strange, and you can’t quite explain why.

Normally it should be strange, right?

But he's lying here, next to you in your bed in nothing but his briefs. You can feel the warmth of his body radiating towards you, you can smell his freshly showered body, and you can hear him breathe. And it's pleasant. It's nice. 

“He has a crush on you.“ Jimin’s voice silently rings through the dark room, keeping you from your thoughts.

You lift yourself up on one arm and glance over your shoulder. You can’t see him clearly, but he appears to be lying on his back, one arm tucked behind his head. He turns his head to look at you as well.

“Your neighbor,“ he clarifies, taking your silence as a clue that you don’t know who he is talking about.

You laugh humored, shaking your head. “A crush. Are we twelve?“ 

“He's interested in you. Clearly.“ 

You roll your eyes and then fall back onto your back, rolling over. He hasn't even met him—only caught a glimpse for a total of ten seconds without exchanging a word—and yet he is already making assumptions?

“Don’t be ridiculous. He was asking for eggs,“ you explain. “And I'm not his type.“ 

“What is that supposed to mean?“ he mocks, acting as if he couldn’t imagine why you wouldn’t be his type.

“You know what that’s supposed to mean,“ you say tiredly. 

“That you aren’t ready to trade chili cheese nuggets with unseasoned chicken breast?“ He asks, making you internally laugh for knowing he'd make fun of Luca for being a gym rat.

“Exactly.“ 

He hums, seemingly agreeing with you. 

You're on the brink of sleep, when he talks again. “But would you let him hit?“ 

“Jimin!“ You gasp, suddenly wide awake again at his bold question.

“What? It’s a fair question. You don’t have to date someone to sleep with them.“ 

“That is none of your business and I’m not answering that. Good night.“ 

He doesn’t say more for a while and you think you made it when suddenly, “He probably doesn’t even know where the clit is.“ 

You groan, getting up without further ado, making him sit up in a matter of seconds as well. 

“Where are you going?“ he asks, almost panicky.

“Away from you. I'll sleep on the couch.“ 

You don’t get very far before a hand gently wraps around your wrist, pulling you into his body. His arms then encircle your waist, and he playfully lifts you up, only to throw—yes, literally throw—you back onto your warm bed, causing you to shriek out a laugh.

“Don’t even think about it, babygirl. You‘re stuck with me tonight.“ 

You‘re still laughing when his fingers softly brush against the skin of your stomach as he clings himself to you and cuddles you right into his chest, literally spooning you and holding you too tightly for you to try and make another escape.

“You're not thinking about sleeping like this are you?“ 

“Just for tonight,“ he murmurs into your ear, his breath tickling the skin on your neck and making goosebumps appear all over your body once again. You pray he doesn’t notice but he at least doesn't comment on it.

“I'm badly injured,“ he reasons.

“Badly injured him?“ You snicker.

Jimin hums softly again, appearing noticeably sleepier than he did just a couple of minutes ago.

“I warn you, Park, if I wake up with your boner poking my ass, I‘ll never talk to you again,“ you warn him. There's no answer anymore so you adjust yourself and make yourself comfortable to finally get some sleep.

The next morning, you wake up alone in your bed, confused by the cold air and the noises coming from somewhere in your apartment. Since you live alone, you wonder why you’re hearing these sounds while you’re still in bed. Then, you remember last night and realize that you fell asleep with Jimin but woke up without him. You assume the noises are coming from him, which is why you’re not worried about the possibility of an intruder for now.

With a groan that resembles the sound of someone emerging from a coffin, you slowly turn over and glance at your phone, only to realize that you’ve overslept. 

Not that you had any plans for your day off, but it’s surprising nonetheless. You feel as if you’ve slept through an entire month. Completely disoriented, you stagger to the bathroom to take a shower and freshen up. When you come out, you finally feel like a functioning member of society again.

In the kitchen, Jimin is already making pancakes for you. Or at least that's what it looks like.

“Good morning,“ you greet him, wrapping your still-wet hair in a bun to prevent it from wetting the floor and the back of your shirt. “You’re making breakfast?“ The astonishment in your voice comes mainly from the fact that Jimin never cooks. He often orders, but cooking? Never. You always thought he was just as untalented as you in this department, or at least just as lazy.

“You don’t have shit in your kitchen,“ he murmurs with a tone that reeks of judgment. “Do you only ever eat when I take care of it?“ 

“Well, I had eggs,“ you try to defend yourself. “But yea, pretty much.“

Jimin's look reminds you a little too much of your mother. You try to soothe him with your best, most innocent smile, which earns you a smile back, coupled with a slight shake of his head.

“Some pancake mixture and half a liter of orange juice. How are you even able to survive?“

You grab one of the already-baked pancakes and start biting into it. Not caring about it still being a little hot.

“I just haven't managed to go grocery shopping yet. I’ll do it later, don’t worry.“

“I sure hope so.“

You grin, happily nibbling on your pancake and taking another one in your hand as you sit down at the kitchen table. “How did you sleep?“ 

“Like a baby. But I suppose not as good as you. I put a mirror under your nose half an hour ago to see if you're still alive.“

You laugh at that. That really must have been one long, deep sleep you had.

“Thank you again for last night. I wouldn’t have known where to go without you.” He looks over at you a little bashfully for a moment.

You dismiss it with a wave, as it's really no big deal to you. He hasn't been a stranger for a long time and you don’t feel uncomfortable with him around. “It goes without saying.“

He gives you a warm smile as he sits across from you, enjoying his own pancake. “When I finally gather the courage to go home and get my money, I’ll return the favor with a meal that’s a bit more... nutritious.”

You watch him closely. Even though it was meant as a joke, the situation with his family clearly weighs heavily on his mind.

“Don't worry too much about it. Your sister will get over it soon,“ you try and reassure him. “And your parents too. I may have exaggerated a bit last night. The guy is too cowardly to do anything about it, I'm sure.“

Jimin smiles at that and nods, appreciating you trying to make him feel better.

"That doesn't mean I approve of what you did. In my eyes, you're still foolish for it," you say, wiping the smile off his lips and replacing it with a slight pout that makes you smirk. "How is your hand?"

He lifts it up and wiggles his fingers a few times, which seems to work without much pain. It's still a bit swollen and red at the knuckles but looks much better than it did last night.

“It’s better. However, I didn't expect anything less given the kind care and attention I received from you.” Jimin grins, looking just as happy with it as you are.

You snort, accepting the compliment with a sense of pride, even though you know you didn't do much to deserve it.

You both finish your makeshift breakfast and clean up what needs to be done. Afterward, Jimin tells you that he is slowly getting ready to go home and collect his belongings. He hopes that no one will be there at this time and that they might have gone on their vacation without him, but he knows that’s just wishful thinking. His parents might be upset, but they are the type of parents who prefer to talk about their problems and work through them instead of avoiding topics and staying angry forever. 

In your eyes, that sounds like a healthy relationship, and you wish it had always been like that in your own home. Although he complains a lot, you know he genuinely appreciates his parents and their approach. It's the confrontation he dreads. You can't blame him for that.

Jimin has just stepped into the bathroom when another knock sounds at your door. This time, it isn't a surprise to see your neighbor standing there with a carton of what you assume are freshly bought eggs.

With a radiant, handsome smile that looks straight out of a magazine, he stands before you. “Good morning! I went for a run and picked up some groceries on the way.”

“Oh, come on, you didn’t have to do that. Let’s just say the eggs were a welcome gift,” you grin, taking the carton from his hands and thanking him.

Before he can respond, Jimin suddenly appears behind you, catching him off guard. “You’re a little late. Would have been nice for breakfast,” he mocks, eyeing the small carton in your hands.

Luca halts, his blue eyes wandering confusedly between you and Jimin. It's almost funny how you can literally see little gears turning in his head as he makes the connection. “Uh, sorry.“

“No, don’t worry about it. And don’t mind him, please.“ you apologize, sending Jimin a warning look that goes unnoticed by him. “He’s not a morning person.“

Ignoring your comment, Jimin steps closer to you at the door. “Okay, I'm off now. Wish me luck.” Before you have a chance to respond, he turns your head toward him and kisses you. It's intentionally provocative, especially with your neighbor watching.

The whole situation naturally creates an awkward atmosphere between the two of you after Jimin has left, so you smile at him, silently hoping he will leave as well. 

Fortunately, he excuses himself almost immediately, saying that he has more errands to run, which you find very relieving. 

You reflect once again on what Jimin told you last night—he thinks your neighbor has a crush on you. While you can't say you share his opinion and you definitely don't have the same interest in him, the thought still makes you feel a bit giddy. 

A/N: Penny for your thoughts pretty please?

tagged: @ggukkieland | @ttaeby | @rkvi | @cuteipat | @pjiminslove | @mawwnsterr | @aamalaaa | @spideyxxboi | @lil-sracha | @katsbqbe | @bex-92br | @natalie-rdr | @canarystwin | @wespers-jaan | @bangtanxcoffee | @bri-mal | @so-kou | @lonleycoffee | @rjsmochii | @kiwiaroha | @chimchimmarie | @scoupshawt | @xmochiloverx | @kristinkristinuk | @thejiminshieffect | @yes-fangirl-things | @cuteinjapanese | @leticiaesteveslp | @jkkkkkay | @miss-rainy-days | @bangtan4everr | @i-never-post-but-i-am-here | @dumdaradumdaradum | @thesmeraldogirl | @deliciouslydeliciouspenguin | @ownthesunshine

[not0interested1]

Okay. For the record, I am anti JFW and I think there is evidence of the emotional abuse much better seen in other videos and interactions, this falls in the “Am I trying to see something that isn’t there” category for me personally. I think this was at least partially scripted. I believe JA knew he was walking into her doing this. I would venture to say he didn’t know which shirt she was going to use, but I think he was onboard with the idea to some degree. Are there some odd aspects? Perhaps; like how low the camera is. She’s on the floor and the angle is not that of a 6’1” man. It’s much more likely the angle of a child. Does that mean it’s not his voice…who knows. He could have been walking behind his child who was filming. He could be holding the phone low. Do I think that was the shirt he wanted picked out? Again, none of us really know. My hunch says it was not. Just look how quickly the clip of Arrow asking if he was okay with her ruining his shirt was cut off. That to me is more telling than the interaction in the closet.

So people are saying, listen to the comments and his whine at the end. On first listen, I heard what other people are saying they heard. A domineering woman disregarding her husband. Then, I listened again this morning to see if I felt the same. I think he may be trying to appear as if he is more upset than he really was, like the whine was added for humor. But I will discuss this in the end point.

For argument’s sake, let’s say it’s just two people creating a fake dramatic scene. It’s not my humor, so I can’t judge it. But maybe it’s theirs and who am I to say otherwise? Maybe they are into the whole dry, sardonic, depreciating humor. To each his own. It certainly makes them both less appealing in my mind. Someone else mentioned this in another reblog, it would have been more effective and more in line with the “generous” spirit intended to have them both in the video picking out shirts together and talking about the cause.

So, my final thought in this rant is about the possibility of hidden (or sometimes not so hidden) abuse. A lot of people are calling Jensen “spineless” for playing a long or not standing up for himself. Hence the filming (if it was him) and the added whine for humor. Even if he WAS onboard with the donation of a shirt to a degree, playing along, saying it’s fine in his comment to the post, he may not be fine at all. Dissociating, playing along to avoid conflict (especially publicly) and adding humor are TRADEMARK victim traits. As someone who is currently in a marriage like this, and struggling to get out, I experience this firsthand. From the outside, people think everything is fine, that this is just their dynamic because both parties have seemed onboard with it. I can give an example from my personal life. My husband likes to spend money like it’s flowing water. It causes me high anxiety as I grew up well under the poverty line. Though we are financially stable, I hate all the items, clothing, and shoes that make there way into our home because they are wasteful and have replaced much of the items we initially chose as a couple. Initially, I voiced concern and asked for communication prior to buying. I was met with anger and gaslighting, so much so that I believed maybe I was being overly sensitive. So, I stopped voicing my opinion or concerns and played along, letting things slide and watching hopelessly as I became a guest in my own home. Not one room has been decorated by us as a couple with the exception of a smattering of furniture. A drawer in my dresser and a level of my side of the closet now hold his clothes and shoes. I have become so avoidant, people think I let it happen. To the degree that people make comments like, “Oh, you are so patient. He’s so lucky you don’t mind, I would be so mad.” On the outside, I look like I am onboard. I make jokes about it. I shrug and play along. But I just don’t want to fight or get put down or yelled at.

I say this, because it is POSSIBLE Jensen is in this arena as well. I don’t really know, we aren’t friends, but it’s a hot take after other more concrete evidence of past interactions between them. If that’s the case, he’s not spineless, he’s conflict avoidant. He’s learned what to argue about and what to go along with. If this occurred in my home, here’s how it would have gone down (all speculation of course):

DA tells him what she’s doing and that she’s donating a t-shirt. Tells him she needs one of his shirts. He agrees, maybe thinking it would be a T like hers. She says film me picking it out. He says, fine and does. Perhaps surprised she’s in his closet going through his favorite shirts rather than a T. Too late now! So he has to switch gears and play along. Skip to her distressing the shirt in next clip and Arrow confirming whether or not he’s okay with it. Why would she ask? Because in between these clips, I would bet money a conversation was had about using a different shirt. The response to such an appeal would be akin to a guilt trip. “Jensen! This is for a good cause! Oh my god you’re being so selfish. It should be a sacrifice for all they lost. Jesus!” How can he argue with that, even though he was always willing to participate? He can’t. He’ll feel like a dick. And we ALL know he’s very concerned with how people see him.

That’s my two-cents.

Hey! Love your blog! I appreciate your insight and opinions on all things Elta and Jensen. I’ve seen the cracks for years.

I was prompted to come to your page and ask your opinion about the most recent (like just posted) video of Elta going through Jensen’s closet to find a shirt.

He tells her repeatedly “no” and then he when he says “that’s my favorite” she dismisses him and says “perfect”. The next shot is her distressing his shirt.

I don’t know about you, but that just pissed me off. Why not let the grown man pick the shirt out. He’s not a toddler! Of course her shirt was a plain white shirt. 🙄

Anyway, thanks for reading and keep up the amazing writing.

I'm suddenly wishing I could title this post with:

The Bitch Is Back!

Oh, not you! I mean her!

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A post shared by ᴅᴀɴɴᴇᴇʟ ᴀᴄᴋʟᴇs (@danneelackles512)

Y'know... the bitch wife with zero respect for her husband and his belongings. The one who decided to make it clear she didn't respect him and destroy his favorite shirt because.... reasons.

Oh, right. The "shirt auction". The one that won't go to the people in need and will in fact line Misha Collins' pockets (and some of Danneel's) instead?

We know why she picked Jensen's shirt. Not just to torment him, destroy a favorite shirt. It's because she knows none of hers will get even remotely the same mileage as his would. He had a record auction bid for one of his shirts a few years ago. Like... $4,500 or close to it.

Hers probably wouldn't crack $500. And she knows it.

Then she tokenizes the kids again. (This absolutely negates the arguments by her stans that she doesn't.)

To top it off--she completely ignores that it's his favorite. Yes, he probably could go buy another one. That doesn't matter. It's a shirt from his time on Supernatural. A good reminder. She's destroying it, disrespecting him again, and showing him he can't have any joy. She'd just destroy it all.

And I've seen folks go "Oh, hear that moan at the end of the video!" That wasn't a moan. That was a scoff, a "Uh!"--the kind where someone goes "OMG, you're seriously doing this despite me saying 'no'?" That's not a moan of pleasure. That's a groan of pain. Of distress.

Wanna know what's worse? She throws in a plain white shirt, probably not even hers. Probably just bought off the rack at a store so she could pass it as hers.

Even more distressing? Why doesn't Arrow recognize her father's shirt? If he was around as often as his stans (and hers) claim, surely he would've worn it at least once in rotation around Arrow.

Lastly, notice that picture Arrow is drawing. Notice the number of people on it? There's four.

Two males, two females, supposedly. There's five in the Ackles household. Jensen, JJ, Arrow, Zeppelin... and Danneel. Where's the missing girl?

Oh. I know.

It's missing Danneel. Because Arrow doesn't include her in her precious memories with her visitations with her father. Because you know that's all this trip was--him paying a visit to the kids. And likely forcing him to participate in this bullshit.

Yes. I know that implies he has no spine. Pay attention to what I've been arguing, folks. He's in a rock and a hard place. And yes, he's timid. Saying 'no' to Danneel might make things worse.

It's just tragic how his and her stans are missing a key aspect here: respect. There's none of it in this at all. Danneel disrespects him about his shirt, his privacy, his feelings.

If the relationship had faded into what Jessica Alba recently described about her marriage to Cash, okay, that happens in a lot of marriages. But what shouldn't fade is respect.

There's none of it. Zero.

I was just talking to a friend of mine whose husband, while not abusive like Danneel (though maybe a touch emotionally abusive), has shown absolutely zero respect for my friend. As in, when he cut his hand at work--nothing too serious, though yes, it needed stitches--he played it up so hard that on top of work and taking classes for a promotion, she had to do everything. And did he thank her? Appreciate her? No. When she had a fever, he didn't even care to cook her a meal.

In a conversation we just had, because this Danneel topic brought it up, she asked me privately:

"Is this life telling me to leave?"

I asked her if she wanted me to answer honestly or lie. She asked for honesty. So I did, as gently as I could:

"Yes. He doesn’t respect you. He makes it obvious. If he cared—doesn’t have to be “love”—he wouldn’t have thrown a tantrum over gummy bears. He would’ve treated you better. You—and Jensen and myself and everyone else—deserve better."

Whether there was love or not, there should always be respect.

To top it off, there's now a discussion as to whether that was really Jensen. Because 1, they were real careful not to show their reflection in the mirrors; 2, the voice could be easily faked with AI (thanks a lot, AI).

I'm on the fence myself about it.

And hey, while we're on the topic.... why the fuck are there nails on Arrow's fingers? She's far too young to be wearing fake nails. I mean, seriously.

It could be damaging to the nail beds. It can cause injury. Their bodies are still growing and developing. We shouldn't be dyeing their hairs (I'm looking at how frequently JJ's hair color changed over the years) nor putting on fake nails.

Dear Danneel, you're not being a "cool mom". But I shouldn't be surprised. Bad mom, bad wife, bad activist.

Bad person.

Edit: As are the stans. The fuck, y'all.

[aste-te05]

Would You fall in love with me again?

A Optimus Prime x human! Reader fic

Chapter 1: Carry the Blame

—————————

You sit in Fowlers office unmoving as you’re placed across from his empty chair. You’re scared to make a sound, your tired frame holding ever so still. You’re terrified of the outcome, and you’re terrified of the possibilities, the countless possibilities of what could’ve just happened. You were just sitting across from Fowler moments earlier; he was talking to you in light of recent events, and suddenly, his desk phone rang. Immediately he took it, you assume he wasn’t expecting what was told to him from the other end since he swiftly excused himself and got up, rushing out of his office in a frenzy. You were confused and were beyond words as you sat in the now empty office, you pondered about maybe walking out and trying to find the man but your efforts might prove faulty since you don’t know your way around the building, or even the base itself, since it was in an area you were not too familiar with.

”it’s going to be a quick and simple meeting” you recall telling yourself as you stood outside his door. Mentally psyching yourself up, only to be so rudely interrupted as he barged it open, almost surprised to see you standing there in front of him, despite it being a meeting asked from him to you.

He wanted to talk about your current housing situation, since due to unforeseen circumstances you were left homeless after an “accident” took place on your land, and near your home. You had no clue what world this incident would thrust you into, nor what kind of relationships you’d build out of it. You tell yourself it was a blessing in disguise, despite being currently left homeless. All you recall was you leaving home to go run errands in town and coming back to your house being scorched and flattened. Surrounded by an absurd amount of military men and Fowler assessing the situation, greeting you in a hush tone and offering a full refund to the damage caused.

“as of right now, construction is now underway, no charges necessary. We have your preferred location as well, you wanted it near Condon Oregon am I correct?” he asks as he looks over the pile of papers that were messily stapled together, briefing over the information as he looks towards you with a raised eyebrow.

You straighten in your seat, folding your hands in your lap as you began to talk to him, “Yes my parents bought some land up there for me before they went dark, it’s the only other place I can even consider home sir.” You blatantly reply, your parents were good people, at least you thought they were. They were there while you were growing up, bought you your first car and anything else you could’ve asked for, but suddenly, they vanished. You weren’t shocked since they usually went on spontaneous trips to wherever they wanted to go, but it saddened you when they didn’t come back. They never called nor texted or emailed, and the grief finally hit you when an officer appeared at your doorstep several years later.

“the only remains found were your mothers. There have not been sightings of your father nor any evidence of him that could’ve been found in the same vicinity of where your mother was, so he is our main suspect as of now.” The officer had told you. You could only stand staring at him, wide eyed and bewildered.

“are you okay ma’am?”

“what?”

“I said, are you okay?” Your eyes flash towards Fowler’s almost concerned face as he stares at you.

You smile and nod your head politely, apologizing profusely for wandering off on him like that. Thankfully the man seems amused as he continues to go over the plans with you.

You continue to go over the blueprints for another 15 minutes before the phone on his desk begins to ring, he apologizes and picks it up, ready to reply with a “I’m busy” or “call back later” you assumed before he froze immediately in his seat. He panics and looks at you with wide eyes, a look you’ve come to realize can only mean the best or the worst. Obviously, you were only hoping for the ladder in this case.

“Please excuse me, there’s been a uh situation.” He puts his hands together as a quick sorry before rushing out of his rolling chair and out his office door, leaving with a very thunderous SLAM while doing so.

Which leaves you to now. It’s been almost an hour since he’s left, and you’ve must have gone through the blue prints at least ten times on your own accord. You sigh before leaning back into your chair, staring up at the ceiling fan that circled rather slowly as you watched the blades, almost hypnotized at the movement. Or so, you were before a figure barged into the office you were now sitting in.

You turn back swiftly, almost spinning out of control in your chair as you stare at the figure in the doorway.

It was Fowler.

You smile and get up from your chair, taking a step further to him you further notice how frazzled he looks, his face paler than usual, it almost unnerves you as he looks like he just saw a ghost.

“Is everything alright sir?” you ask, stopping just about a foot away from him as he continues to push back his dark hair and straighten his suit and tie.

“Yes but I regret to inform you that we will have to move this meeting somewhere else, would you mind to follow me?” he steps out of the walk way, holding his arms out as he lets you walk out of his abode, you both step out into the bare hallway and he swiftly shuts the door behind you two and begins to lead you to the exit.

“now miss I know this may be a bit jarring to experience, so please take your time to settle and take in your surroundings. What you’re about to see is not something id just show anyone but due to your uh, situation”- ah yes my situation that has now stranded me as homeless and without my belongings of which I do in fact need to continue my work and my way of living, “-we have decided to give you a temporary place in the town of Jasper. Jasper Nevada.” You cock an eyebrow towards him as you both step out the door to the outside, the building nestled comfortable between many others like it, military barracks are what you spot just a few yards away as you take the view of the base in, rather swiftly might you add before Fowler rushes you towards open ground.

“Jasper Nevada? But why? And how am I even going to get there without a plane ticket, I understand you might not grasp the entire aspect of my situation sir, but since the demolishment of my house due to those robots I’ve been left with nothing! No money, no clothes, not even a picture frame.” He nods frantically and stops in the grass, you continuing to ramble about your now ruined life as you continue to somewhat spiral in front of the panicking man.

He hushes you in a quick tone, before taking in a deep breath. You stand in place, glaring at him and noting of his very rude action that you will be taking up with his superiors if you ever get to meet them.

“I understand you’re confused about the traveling but we have got you covered graciously through this” he points to the open grass and you give him an awkward look before stumbling back in surprise as a green vortex appears before you.

“what the fuck?” You mutter under your breath as you stare in surprise at the thing.

“Sir what even is this?” you look to him and he gives you albeit a very sympathetic and apologetic look before replying in a quick manner.

“It’s what we call a ground bridge, military made it is, and I advise if you want to see your new house before you die you walk through it now.” You open your mouth to argue about the absurd idea when the sudden sound of tanks moving catch your attention. You however, don’t get the chance to turn back to see what’s going on before fowler grabs your arm and rushes the two of you in and through the portal.

You both walk into the portal and immediately you’re hit with a sense of nausea, your insides feeling like they’re twisting and turning as you’re thrust out of the wormhole looking thing, only to fall and touch cold metal flooring.

The coldness feels good on your hands, but the panic turns back as you look behind you to notice the wormhole now closed. You can only sit in silence as you eye fowler next to you, looking like he himself is about to vomit his lunch out as he holds his hand over his mouth, bending over as he dry heaves.

Well maybe this’ll teach you a lesson.

You get up from your feet and continue to brush off your shirt and pants of dirt taking in the sights of your surroundings, it seems to be in a weird cave that you’re in. a very tall cave, with metal stairs and what seems to be a tunnel leading out. You take notice of a very large computer in front of you with an oversized keyboard to accompany it. And begin to ask yourself what kind of shit you got yourself into it.

“welcome to where you’ll be staying until your home is built, we call it the autobot base.” Fowler, has seemed to recover from the recent wormhole even and is now standing next to you, forcing a welcome home kind of smile.

In response, you can only continue to stare at him in shock and bewilderment. You’re angry, confused, emphasis on confused since you have no way in hell to tell what you’re supposed to do now, and even more confused as you feel the ground shake from beneath you, very rapidly as you assume them to be footsteps thanks to the pattern they seem to be following, to your dismay they seem to be getting closer as the vibrations become more forceful and coherent. You can only get a small gasp out as you eye what you assume the footsteps belonged to.

A robot. A giant fucking robot.

It continues to walk towards you and Fowler, only stopping a few feet away before it begins to lower itself on one knee, you assume it’s making a kind attempt to meet you at face level. as best as it can since it literally towers over you.

You both come face to face with it, taking in its blue and red coloring and it’s almost sky blue.. eyes?? Pupils?? God if you know what to call them at this point. Robot terminology could be totally different for all you know in your primitive brain.

The sound of Fowler clearing his throat snaps you out of your thought process as you turn to him still confused as all hell.

“Miss, I would like you to meet Optimus Prime, leader of the autobots, a race of sentient robots me and the military have been working closely with for some time. They come from space and more so mean no harm. I promise they’re only here for your protection. Most of them at least” You give him a straight glare at that last part before looking up at the giants face once more.

You want to be angry; you want to shout but something tells you that, even throughout everything that’s happened these past few minutes, Fowler’s telling you the straight, blunt truth. Looking at the robot- er Optimus’ face, you can’t see even an ounce of malice. Nor any evidence that he’d even want to harm you in any way. Which in turn makes your tense muscles relax a bit.

You awkwardly shift where you stand as you clear your throat just as Fowler did, before nervously putting out a hand.

“Nice to meet you Optimus, I’m not sure if my designation means much to you right now, but I am happy to be here in your home.” You smile and nervously begin to sweat as he looks down at your hand questioningly. Assuming he doesn’t understand the concept of a handshake you rapidly put your arm down and place it beside you, giving the bot a brief apology as you turn from him in embarrassment.

“Do not be ashamed earthling, I am still getting used to your people’s culture and was not aware that was a way of greeting, as Fowler hasn’t mentioned it to me quite yet. But I accept your humble offering of peace, and I say in full certain that you’re protection is the utmost importance to me and my fellow comrades. We are all equals in this war.” War… war!!?? Are you fucking kidding me!?

You turn to Fowler, furious at him and his thought process of involving you in such a thing. He looks at you sheepishly, starting to sweat as you step towards him before you begin to yell, hot tears threatening to make an appearance. “You brought me here, through this tunnel, with this giant robot, only for it to tell me im now involved in a whole robot war!!?? And that there’s now more of them!!?? What do you think is going to happen now? How are you going to take accountability for this sir, because I will not, and I mean it, will not take part in any of this. This is absurd, a joke even, where are the cameras because this is too unbelievable, even for you.” You point at him accusingly, upset, and so emotional to the point you want to just curl up right here and just let all this pent up grief out.

You’re home has been taken away and now you’re forced to adapt with the knowledge that you’ve been thrusted into a war you had no fault in. What even was the point in trying to wrap your head around this all.

Before you can berate the general even more, Optimus butts in, stepping into the conversation before you can say anything more harmful to the man you so badly want to rip apart, limb by limb.

“Please earthling, I know this must be at a shock to you, but rest assured, I promise that this war will no longer have any effect directly on you, it’s but a temporary solution and once this is done, you will no longer need to be involved in such tyranny. Just please know that this was the best answer me and Agent Fowler could give to you. We do not wish to involve you in more violence than you must be, and I’ve been personally seeing to it that you get homed properly, and that you remain to be untouched and out of the hands of our enemy.” He stares at you with almost pleading eyes, he doesn’t want to see you like this, not that it would annoy him, but it would only make him more upset about your situation than you are yourself, he said it himself, he’s taking your case personally.

You can’t help but admire his confidence, he wants you to know that you’re safe, that you’re out of harms way. And you wish you could believe him, you wish you believed what he just told you about how you’ll be out of this war sooner than you think, but you can’t help but let this feeling of grief envelop you. You know you won’t be out so easily, and you know with war comes losses. And in your case, you’re scared of what losses you’ll have to soon see through, you’ll go through it all alone with not even a rock to hold you up.

How can one even do such a thing without crumbling apart first?

Yayyyy chapter one done, (there’s more to this chapter but I’m posting it along with chapter 2 :)) if you wish to support me further follow my a03!!! I might be posting works on there that won’t be uploaded here

[ihaznoclue]

For requests can it be Nicole, Anby and Belle with a S/O who is apart of Section 6? I liked the idea that each of these would hide what they really do from their S/O given their profession.

I'll try my best ;)

Pairings -> Nichole Demara, Anby Demara, Belle x Reader

Warnings -> None

Note -> Reader is from section 6 as their very own partner hides something secretive but they always find out in the end

Genre -> Fluff

Nicole Demara

This girl is not very secretive in my option

She loves to tell her stuff to her partner

Like why wouldn't she tell anything to her partner

But let's just say she holding herself back to not tell you even though you know

Her very own job to get money is a hollow raiders

But you are in section 6 kind of the same thing of what she does

But she is in need of money most of the time, so she mainly is out and about doing her work as a hollow raider with her members of the cunning hares

You already knew but you wanted to wait until she tells you in the end

It was a time when you were sent out on a mission with Yanagi

That was the time you saw Nicole in the same hollow as you and you wondered why she was there in the first place

That's when Yanagi spoke that those where the cunning hares

Seeming they maybe had the same mission as you two

Now you were with Nicole hanging out near a vending machine

You spent your money to get you both drinks

Sipping away as you drank the cold drink

"Hey Nicole, I've been meaning to ask you something"

You were met with a "Hm?" as she sipped her drink again

"Are you possibly in the cunning hares, let's just say the leader?"

Nicole then spat out her drink as she started to cough

"Wait *Cough* How did *cough* you know?"

"I just knew"

You gave out a little smirk

"I'm not mad, just surprised you haven't told me yet"

....

"Let's get you cleaned up"

Anby Demara

Anby doesn't really talk that much even around her partner

But the one thing she doesn't want you to know is her job as a hollow raider

Even though you were quite strict on stuff like that

You were kind of a hollow raider too for your job as a section 6 member

But you just didn't want Anby to be hurt even though she is able to protect herself

She was strong you knew that but you were just worried about her

until a day that you heard some information about the cunning hares and how they are stuck in the hollow that you and Harumasa were meant to go to

So you both did to help those people get out

But you never knew you were going to see Anby there

You and Harumasa stop as you both spotted all the members of the cunnings hare and one of them was similar to your Partner

You saw a pink hair girl yelling at the robot man while the other was simply nibbling on some food while the cat was sitting down

Harumasa took charge as made his presence know making every single of them turn

Anby freezing in place as she spotted you

Your arm were crossed as you raised an eyebrow with a serious face

"Anby.."

Anby gulped

"Ah I was so worried!"

You then run up to her as you hugged her tightly

You heard Anby groan as you now know that she is a hollow raider

But you already knew anyways

You just not gonna tell Anby about that

Belle

We all know Belle is basically the one helping every single hollow raiders to completing their missions

You never knew your partner and her Brother were basically the proxies

Even so you always heard a familiar voice form a bunny bangboo

But you didn't say anything about it

You were apart of section 6 as you had a mission with your other members

Basically you needed to help someone who was stuck in a hollow

Belle being the helper to guide you guys through the hollow to the missing person

You knew that it was Belle but you haven't said anything yet

After this mission, you were going to visit her

But for now you were going to complete this mission

After finding the missing person and leading them out of the hollow, you decided to tell the others you were going to visit someone important

Now you were walking though Sixth street as you made it to the store that your partner and her brother own

Opening the door as the bell rung alerting Belles brother that you were here

Her brother opening the staff door slightly open as Belle rushed out to greet you

"Love! What a surprise, you usually texts me or call me if you were coming over"

"Well I need to ask you something important"

You saw how nervous Belle was

Her brother saying that he was going to go upstairs for now

Now you and Belle were alone

"Belle, I know it was you helping us though the hollow, I could tell by your voice through the Bangboo that guided us there and back, and I must say I'm impressed of how skilled you are at it"

"Wait, You're not mad?"

"Of course not, just next time tell me stuff instead of keeping it a secret from me"

"Yes I will!"

Belle saluted

-A<3

[descendant-of-truth]

Actually I think we need to be talking about Darkside more. Why have we as a fandom (as well as myself specifically) been neglecting Darkside when it's the most consistently recurring boss in the whole franchise

Literally the first boss we fight and it's this thing that rises up out of Sora's shadow in his dreams, and that still looks like Sora for a few seconds before it transforms into the version we fight:

This is Sora's dark side, quite literally. And what just so happens to be there at the destruction of Destiny Islands?

Man, with a thing that big and powerful, it's probably responsible for most of the damage to the islands all by itself.

Hey, what was that thing Zexion said to Riku, again? "It was you who destroyed your home"? Boy I sure am glad that the truth is what we hear and not what we see with our eyes--

Oh. Hm. That's a rather pointed dream sequence for you to be having, Xion.

Guys, I don't know why it took me so long to put these specific pieces together, but I'm pretty sure Sora's darkness was what actually destroyed the Destiny Islands. Whoever opened the door to darkness is still responsible for letting it out - it seemed otherwise occupied in Sora's dreams - and that's an interesting puzzle, too, because we're told that Riku did that even though Kairi was the one closest to the door, but that's not a mystery this post is here to solve.

My question is, what the HECK was going on with Sora for him to have a darkness so potent that it manifested outside of him before he had even been on any adventures? The guy's got insecurities for sure, but at this point in the series, they're kinda... normal ones. Feeling overshadowed and jealous of his best friend who's always better at everything than him, always stronger and cooler, it's not nothing but it doesn't make sense for it to be that. If Sora was going to have a darkness that strong, I'd expect it to come from a later point in the series, maybe around KH3 when the number of Terrible Things that have happened to or around him has reached truly insane levels.

But... the Darkside comes from the Realm of Darkness, right? Where time doesn't exist, and if you walk through it, you can be hit with people's emotions from the future?

So, I dunno, maybe it's a conglomeration of Sora's darkness from various points in time, though it still doesn't explain why his in particular gets to become something so giant. But it's definitely a Sora thing, because in Coded, the record of Sora's Heartless develops into a Darkside, as well.

But how can it be Sora-exclusive when there's so many of them down there??

Well, it might not be... but I'm not ruling out the possibility of time loop shenanigans, either. If Sora can live through the Keyblade Graveyard stuff at least four times (five if you consider the theory of KH3 in its entirety being a second loop from the get-go), then who's to say that doesn't double up on the number of Darksides in the Realm of Darkness?

Sora's already got a narrative history of reliving his past, after all. CoM has him going through his memories of his first adventure (albeit altered), Coded has another version of Sora going through his first adventure (altered again), even DDD has him revisiting Traverse Town and re-meeting his friends (in different ways than he originally did but it still counts).

I'm just saying, the heart remembers what the mind doesn't, and that can surface in a lot of ways. A Sora that's been time-looping a bunch but doesn't remember it probably would be having weird prophetic nightmares and thoughts about whether any of this is "for real" or not.

But honestly, even with the time loop theory I ended up going with in this post, the main thing I wanted to get at is that the Darkside is weird and unexplained but suspiciously tied to Sora in the narrative. These are just the connections I've put together on my own, but there could be a lot that I'm missing! I want to know what this thing's deal is, and I welcome anyone who wants to share their take on the matter.

[itsnesss]

𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐲 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐦 | axel kovacevik × fem!reader

summary | you confess your love for axel to your father, defying his expectations. despite his anger, you stand firm, and axel supports you, choosing to fight for your love together

warnings | strong language, family conflict, emotional tension, rebellion against parental expectations, mature themes of love and defiance

word count | 1.4 k

author's note | it would help me a lot if you liked, commented and reposted so that more people read what I write and don't forget to follow me, thanks ᡣ𐭩

Your father’s dojo, Sensei Wolf, had always been a refuge of discipline, focus, and above all, respect. Everything you did, everything he taught you, had a purpose: to make you a strong warrior, capable of overcoming any challenge. But right now, that very dojo, that place that had been your life, felt like a cage.

The polished wooden floor reflected the soft lights illuminating the space. The dojo members were training, their movements a symphony of punches and controlled breaths. The familiar sound of students shouting as they trained in the background used to comfort you, but today, it was all tainted with a tension that enveloped you like a dark cloud. The weight of the future seemed to crush you, but the time had come to act.

Axel was there, in his corner of the dojo, training with some of the other Iron Dragons members. Your gaze couldn’t pull away from him. Every move, every punch, every gesture of his body seemed to beat with the rhythm of your heart. It was as if the dojo was filled with echoes, but you only heard the rhythm of his breathing. And that terrified you.

You had tried to ignore those feelings. You had tried to convince yourself that they meant nothing, that they were just distractions, that you only had to focus on your training, on what your father wanted for you. But love, love for Axel, was a force far stronger than any rule or doctrine you had imposed on yourself. It was a tide you couldn’t control, couldn’t hold back. It was there, in every corner of your being, and it had led you to the edge of a precipice.

You had done everything possible to deny what you felt. You talked to your dojo mates, sought distractions in training, even tried to distance yourself from Axel. But all of it had been in vain. When he looked at you, when his eyes met yours, everything you had learned crumbled.

The dojo, once your safe space, now felt oppressive. Every step you took echoed in your ears, as if everyone was waiting for you to say something. As if you were about to break something that could never be repaired. But you knew you couldn’t turn back. You had made a decision, and now it was time to face the consequences.

You approach your father, who, as always, is watching from the center of the dojo. His gaze is cold and calculating, a look you’ve seen so many times, but today, it feels more distant than ever. As you approach, the tension in the air increases. He stands there, straight, vigilant, watching everyone with unwavering attention. The entire dojo seems to be under his control, but in this moment, all that matters is him, and what you are about to say.

Your heart beats strongly, each thump echoing in your ears. But you can’t stop. You can’t keep hiding from the truth. The love you feel for Axel has surpassed all boundaries, all the limits your father had set, and now it’s time to face him. You know he won’t accept it, but you also know that you can’t keep living under his shadow, denying who you are.

“Dad,” you say, raising your voice so he can hear you over the murmurs in the dojo. “I need to talk to you.”

He slowly turns toward you, his gaze locking on yours with an intensity that could almost paralyze you. There’s no surprise in his eyes, but you can see the anticipation on his face. He knows something big is about to happen, and that pressure makes you feel even smaller, more vulnerable. But you don’t care anymore.

“What is it about?” he asks, his voice low and direct, as always. The calmness in his tone only increases your anxiety, because you know it’s the prelude to a storm.

Taking a deep breath, you decide to be direct. “I’m in love with Axel.”

The declaration hangs in the air of the dojo, and the noise of the training stops immediately. All eyes turn toward you, but you don’t care. All that matters is that your father hears you, that he understands. And for a fraction of a second, the dojo seems to fall silent. No one dares to move, to breathe. It’s just him and you, a confrontation between love and duty, between what you feel and what you’ve been taught to be.

“What did you say?” Surprise quickly mixes with anger in your father’s voice. You can see his shoulders tense, his eyes darken. It’s the reaction you expected, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. “Are you out of your mind? A kid from Iron Dragons? From my dojo? You, my daughter, in love with him?”

The fury in his voice hits you like a slap. The anger starts to bubble inside you, but you stay strong. You know this is the moment that will change your life forever.

“He’s not just any guy,” you reply, lifting your chin, challenging the fury in his gaze. “Axel is not what you think. He’s not just a member of your dojo. He... he understands me. And I love him, Dad.”

Your father takes a step toward you, his imposing figure making him even more intimidating. “That’s absurd. Axel has no discipline, no control. He’s reckless, dangerous. Do you really think someone like him deserves your love?”

The fire inside you burns hotter. You can’t take it anymore. You can’t keep hearing him disrespect the one person you love most. You feel your anger consume you, and though your voice shakes, your resolve grows stronger.

“Yes, I want him! And I don’t care what you think,” you shout. “I’d rather burn my whole life down than hear one more second of your complaints and laments. I’m not going to live the life you want for me! I’m not your doll, Dad. I’m a person with my own feelings and choices!”

The dojo goes completely silent. No one dares to breathe. Even Axel, who had remained quiet until now, watches you from his corner. His gaze is fixed on you, but he says nothing. He doesn’t need to say anything. The connection between the two of you is more than enough.

Your father walks away from you, taking heavy steps as if trying to calm himself, but his words come out sharp again. “You don’t know what you’re saying. Axel is a disaster. He doesn’t have the discipline or control to be with you. You are so much more than that.”

“The fact that I’m not just what you expect doesn’t make me less,” you retort, your voice firm and full of fury. “I’m more than just an extension of your broken dreams. Axel isn’t perfect, but at least he doesn’t expect me to be someone I’m not. I love him, and I’m not going to give that up just to meet your desires.”

Your father stares at you for a long moment, his breathing heavy, his face tense. Something in his gaze softens, but not enough for you to see any sign of acceptance. “If you choose this path, don’t expect me to support you,” he says finally, his voice full of pain. “Because what you’re doing is a mistake, one you won’t be able to escape from.”

“I know,” you reply, holding your head high. “I know, but I don’t care. I don’t care what happens next. Axel is what I want. I’m not going to live with regrets.”

Without saying another word, you turn toward Axel, who is already close, walking toward you with an understanding look. You don’t need words. You know that in this moment, even though everything around you has changed, you and he are on the same page. It doesn’t matter what your father says or does. This is your path, and you’re going to walk it by his side.

“I love you,” Axel whispers, walking up to you with a smile that reflects the same love and determination you feel.

And, despite the tension still lingering in the air, you feel like the world has, in some way, found its balance. No matter what happens next, you and Axel have chosen to fight for what you feel. And that, in this moment, is the only thing that matters.